


Better Man

by KindSoberandFullyDressed



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KindSoberandFullyDressed/pseuds/KindSoberandFullyDressed
Summary: Although Pam knows Roy isn't perfect, she also knows that she can't expect anyone better than him to come along. Then one day a new salesman starts at the office.Inspired by Pearl Jam's "Better Man."
Relationships: Pam Beesly/Jim Halpert, Roy Anderson/Pam Beesly
Comments: 55
Kudos: 126





	1. Part 1

_She lies and says she’s in love with him,  
Can’t find a better man _  
__ -"Better Man" by Pearl Jam

_May 3, 2003_

__  
__ At twenty-four years old, Pam’s ideal Saturday night probably shouldn’t have been having the apartment all by herself. It should have included a social component at least, like inviting some friends over to eat take-out and talk.

  
But Saturday night was Pam’s night, where she could do whatever she wanted and no one could say anything about it. She had on her old pajamas she’d worn since high school, her Indian food on the coffee table, and the rental from Blockbuster in the DVD player. Tonight, Roy was at the poker game with his brother and high school buddies, and that meant Pam was free.

  
Last night they had rented ___Billy Madison___ again, and ordered a supreme pizza again. That--some Adam Sandler comedy or Tom Cruise action flick and supreme pizza--was always her Friday date night with Roy now. Though, at least he always ordered half of the pizza without mushrooms.

  
It was actually rare that Pam got to pick out anything she wanted to watch, since Roy was so picky about his entertainment. During the week, Roy would only watch _____The Simpsons, King of Queens, Everybody Love Raymond, 24, CSI _. T______ hen of course there was the reality shows including _______Amazing Race, Survivor,_______ and _________Cops _.__________ And any sports game jumped ahead of whatever else might be on.

  
But Saturday meant poker, and that meant the TV was free. On their Friday night “dates” Pam would sneak away and pick out what she wanted to watch the next day.

Sometimes it was an old classic, or something she grew up with and felt nostalgic for. She would rent new rom coms and Oscar bait movies Roy had no interest in seeing, or the old movie musicals her grandmother loved so much.

As they checked out, Roy would always say, “Yeah, I’m not watching that one with you.”

Pam never wanted to watch them with him, anyway. Some movies were for watching with boyfriends, and some were for watching with girlfriends, or, in Pam’s case, alone.

She held onto the remote and flipped the TV over to channel three, which changed the screen to the DVD previews. After navigating past the “Coming soon to theaters,” and “Now on VHS and DVD,” she hit play and settled into her couch with her tikka masala.

The song “Perfect Day” came through the speakers. Pam turned it up, louder than Roy would ever allow if he were there. Penny had talked about _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Legally Blonde _e____________ nough that Pam gave in and rented it the night before.

It was a relief to watch a comedy that wasn’t about a man baby, but with a woman who was, well, a woman. The humor wasn’t from any kind of slapstick or ridiculous situation, but actually sharp and witty, at times seeming to play into stereotypes but then changing it from what was expected.

Pam laughed, she admired Elle’s drive and intellect. Her stomach clenched when the professor came onto Elle, and when the daughter confessed to the murder, there was a legitimate release of triumph. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
____________

But the end of the movie had her puzzled--not that Elle won the trial or became valedictorian or rejected Warren, but that the movie suddenly threw Emmett into the role of her love interest when he had clearly only been her supportive friend. Pam just couldn’t see the romance of it. There had been no sappy sweet moments or passionate arguments. That part fell flat for a movie she otherwise enjoyed.

Pam looked at the clock. It was half past eleven. She started to get ready for bed. Roy would be home any minute. He’d be drunk from the poker night, and if she was awake he would try to get frisky with her. Roy could be good in bed when sober, but when he was drunk he’d be fumbling, sleepy, and inattentive to what she was saying or doing.

After she was in her bed, she heard Roy scratching around the lock to get his key in, and then it finally moved in and the deadbolt swept back. Heavy footsteps hit against their entryway carpet, then shuffling and stumbling into their hallway.

Pam turned onto her side and slowed her breathing as Roy continued to lumber toward their room.

The bedroom door opened and obnoxious light from the hallway came in.

“Pam?” Roy whispered. “Pam are you awake?”

She kept her breath steady. She did not want to deal with him right now.

Roy staggered to the bathroom and flipped on the lightswitch. Yellow light marked the floor and half of the bedspread, adding to the brightness of the room. The sound of his stream hitting the water rang in Pam’s ear. She heard him move around more, his boots falling to the floor and the jingle of his belt as he took his pants off. He turned the light off in the bathroom, but forgot the one in the hallway. Roy fell into bed on top of the covers and began snoring.

Pam sighed and got up, turning off the hallway light and then getting back into bed. Just another Saturday night with the fiance.

* * *

_May 4, 2003 _  
__

Roy had a hangover the next morning. Pam cooked up a breakfast burrito and some strong coffee _ _.  
__

__“__ Come on, we’re having lunch with my parents and sister today,” Pam said. “I need you sober.”

Roy fell into a seat in their small dining room. The chair groaned in catching his weight. Pam slid the burrito over to him and put a mug of the coffee down. She had her own cup and a bowl of cereal when sitting down to join him.

“Right. It’s your dad’s birthday,” Roy said, and bit down on his breakfast. “You forgot the hot sauce.”

Pam stopped her spoon halfway toward her mouth and instead rested it in the bowl before eating. She stood and went to the fridge. The door clinked with beer bottles and rattled with condiments as she opened it.

“Plus, we’re going to go look at that community center for the wedding,” Pam said as she bent down to find where Roy had put the hot sauce that time. She found it beside a bottle of lemon juice and grabbed it.

“Oh, right, about that,” Roy said.

Pam raised an eyebrow and slammed the fridge door shut. “What?”

“So, uh, Kenny and I, we bought a pair of waverunners yesterday afternoon.”

“What?” Pam said again, louder.

Roy grimaced. “Come on, Pam, don’t yell like that when I’m hungover.”

“With what money?” she asked, trying to keep her voice level.

“It’s from the wedding fund,” Roy said. He held out a hand like what can you do? Like it was no big deal

“Dammit, Roy, we’ve been saving up for a year!” Pam said. She slammed the hot sauce on the counter, and brought her hands up to her head and curled them into claws. “You know my parents can’t contribute anything after the store went out of business, and your mom is struggling, too. We’re doing this on our own and you blow our money for the wedding on a waverunner?”

“I said keep your voice down!” Roy shouted, then pushed his fingers on his temples. “Let’s talk about this later, all right?”

“Fine,” Pam said. She left her cereal and coffee and marched out of the kitchen and to their bedroom. She flung the door closed and then sat on their bed, fuming.

She did what she often did with Roy: she pretended that their life was a sitcom. They fit the roles rather well. Roy was the good-hearted but bumbling man and she was the nagging woman who pointed out his idiocy.

She thought of the laugh track that would have played over that scene. The audience gleeful when seeing her face as she realized what Roy had done, and then cracking up at his hungover reaction to her yelling. Strange how what seemed funny on TV wasn’t actually funny when you had to live it.

About ten minutes later, Roy came in the room.

“I need to shower,” he said.

“Yeah, we need to leave by ten to meet my parents in time,” she said, arms crossed.

Roy rolled his eyes and went into the bathroom.

A year ago Pam’s parents had to move out of Scranton when their hardware store closed, and into a town two hours away.

Pam had relied on her mom more than she’d realized. This past year had been so lonely. She’d started a job as a receptionist and gotten Roy a job in the company’s warehouse. Other than her coworkers, Roy, and Roy’s friends, she didn’t really see anyone in Scranton. Her old high school friends had moved away to big cities, to go to college and become something great. Pam had no one to really talk to about what was going on, how she was feeling. Roy complained about the long-distance calls driving up their bill, so she could only talk to her mom for about an hour each week.

Pam listened to the shower run. She felt so drained. Not just by the waverunners. It sometimes felt like their relationship was a death by a thousand small cuts. She’d always had an excuse for him. He was a dumb teenager, his dad had just died, he’d lost his job, he was stressed.

But hadn’t he always come through for her? Like when she was eighteen and she had been stranded on the side of the road with a dead engine, she’d called him and he’d come right away and fixed it. Or when he clocked that guy getting too handsy with her at the bar. Or when she’d gotten sick a few weeks ago and he’d gone to the grocery store to buy her Gatorade and saltines.

Sometimes Pam just didn’t know anymore. In those sitcoms she and Roy watched together, those things were enough. Because in the end, the dumb man loved his nagging woman. Papercuts heal quickly, so why make a fuss about them?

And now she felt like her boss, creating complicated and mixed metaphors. She really didn’t like feeling this way.

When the water shut off, Pam found the energy to go into the kitchen and finish her breakfast. Her cereal was soggy and her coffee lukewarm. She drank the coffee anyway and grabbed a granola bar to eat instead. As she poured the cereal bowl into the sink, she realized Roy had put away the hot sauce and put his plate and mug in the dishwasher.

She sighed away some of the anger in her chest.

Back in their room, Roy buttoned up a plaid shirt while sitting on the bed. His hair glistened from the shower. Pam went past him to the closet and tried to figure out what she was going to wear.

“Are you ready to talk about it now?” Roy asked.

Pam turned around. Roy seemed calmer, and so she nodded, eyes back to the carpet.

“Look, we had waverunners growing up,” Roy said. “We never had a lot, but we had those. And when Kenny brought up buying them, I thought about all the fun we would have taking them out. Both of us.”

Pam looked him in the eyes for the first time. He stood up from the bed and came over to her. He took her hands, and she limply let him.

“We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives, babe,” he said. “We’re getting married and that’s not changing. But right now we can be a family, just like mine was. I wanted to have that for us.”

“I just wish you would have talked to me about it first,” Pam said, feeling the rest of the anger deflating.

“Yeah, well, you know what they say. Better to ask forgiveness than permission.” Roy smiled mischievously, his face dimpled.

“Okay, but for the record, next time you don’t have permission to blow our wedding budget without talking to me first.”

“Done.”

She smiled and kissed him. She could hear the audience give an awwww in her head. Making up, just like they always did. Just like they would always do.

***

“Hi, hi, hi,” Pam said to her parents and sister as she and Roy approached them at the diner her parents had taken a liking to in their new town. Her mom embraced her first while her dad hugged Roy, and then Penny pulled Pam in. Pam was a little miffed to see Greg, her sister’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, standing there awkwardly while the rest of them greeted each other.

Greg always dressed like he would be photographed on the streets of New York--turtlenecks and dark-washed jeans, but only with clothing brands from JC Penny and the Gap. He would also fold his arms and huff at everything the family did or said.

Pam didn’t like him, but for some reason Penny did, and so she did her best to tolerate him while also constantly reminding Penny to take the pill and use a condom, just in case.

“You’re looking well,” Helene said to Pam. “You’re going to look so great in your wedding dress!”

Pam gave a half-hearted smile. She supposed her mother was right, only her mother thought that the wedding would be in September.

“Hey Greg,” Roy said, holding out his hand to shake hands with him. “Good to see you again, man.”

“Uh-huh.” Greg shook hands with a disinterested politeness, then leaned back as if he didn’t want to be part of the group.

“Well, the table’s waiting,” Pam’s mom said.

Only the table wasn’t waiting. Pam’s dad, William, hadn’t called ahead, so they would have to wait another half hour before one would be available. Other families crowded the waiting area, so the group had to shuffle back outside to wait.

“And it’s so windy outside today,” Helene sighed and settled on the bench outside, her hair blowing in every direction. Pam joined her mother on the bench.

“Here, I’ll block the wind for you,” Roy said and stood to Helene’s left, from the direction the wind was blowing.

“Why thank you Roy, that’s so thoughtful of you.” Helene smiled at him.

William and Penny stood in front of the bench, and while Greg took his place next to Penny, he hung back a little bit from the circle, then pulled sunglasses from his coat pocket and put them on. Pam resisted rolling her eyes. He was always like this whenever Penny tried to make him come along to anything.

“So is this your new Peggy Sue’s then?” Pam asked. Her parents used to go to Sunday breakfast at Peggy Sue’s all the time, always ordering the blueberry pancakes.

“Nothing can replace Peggy Sue’s,” William said. “Though the waitresses here are prettier than they ever had over there.”

Helene humphed at this. “That’s just because here they hire the college girls instead of old family friends.”

They chatted more about the new town and her father’s new job, and as that conversation wrapped up it was time for them to get their table.

“What about you, Pam, is your boss still insane?” Penny asked Pam as chairs slid across carpet, the group taking their seats.

“Is he ever,” Roy said, chuckling. “The past week he’s been coming down to the warehouse and talking to my supervisor, our foreman, about why women seem to like black guys so much more than white guys. The foreman is black, so I guess he’s trying to get him to teach him how to be black or something so he can get lai--a girlfriend.”

“Oh my god,” Penny said, while the rest looked horrified.

“So did Darryl tell Michael to tell a woman he’d squeegee her all night?” Pam asked.

Roy began to laugh even harder, nodding his head, and Pam joined in, making the rest of the table smile as well, except for Greg.

Pam shook her hands back and forth. “I heard him calling a woman he met and telling her that.”

“If he tries to tell a woman he can make her niffle, that was also Darryl.”

“Well, you certainly have a colorful boss,” William said, shaking his head. “Makes your job prospects at this company look good if he can become a manager.”

“Eh, that’s for all of the office people, not the warehouse,” Roy said. “Well, the salespeople in the office. Receptionists don’t get very far, do they?”

Pam bit the inside of her cheek. She knew that this was true, receptionists didn’t move up in a company, but to hear Roy say it felt different. He is pointing out that he is part of it, too, she rationalized.

The waitress came and took their orders. Everyone placed their lunch order except for Greg, who asked for a green tea, because, “Surely even a place like this couldn’t mess that up.”

Penny had elbowed him for that comment. Pam thought she should have done it harder.

“Pam, you said that you’re going to be looking at the community center today, right?” Penny asked. “Does that mean I can finally start looking for bridesmaid dresses?”  
Pam glanced over at Roy, who was removing the Sweet ‘N Low from their holders and putting them back in.

“Um, I’d hold off on looking at bridesmaid dresses for now,” Pam said.

“But September is coming up fast,” Penny said.

Pam released a shaky breath. “Well, we’re not getting married in September. We just...we don’t have the money for it right now.”

Helene looked aghast. “I thought you had everything squared away for that.”

“There were some miscalculations,” Pam said. “But it’s fine. We’re still young, and we’re still together. And we’re still getting married.”

Pam smiled half-heartedly. Roy continued to focus on the Sweet ‘N Low packets.

“Honey,” Helene said. “Maybe we could give something.”

William shook his head. “We barely have any savings ourselves.”

“There’s the retirement--”

“Mom, we are not going to be taking money out of your retirement for a wedding,” Pam said. “Really, it’s fine. We just need a little more time to save, that’s all.”

Thankfully the waitress came with the food, and they all commented on how good the food looked. Pam had gotten their bacon cheeseburger with fries, something she hadn’t indulged in for the past six months to be sure she would look perfect on her wedding day. She had a feeling she would have some time to slim down again.

As their meal wrapped up, everyone began pulling out their presents. Penny got William a new coin for his coin collection, and Pam and Roy got him an antique wood plane tool from around the 1950s.

“It’s probably as old as you are, Dad,” Pam said.

“Are you calling me an antique?” William asked with a twinkle in his eye, and Pam returned it with a mischievous look.

“I’m speaking the truth.”

Then it was Helene’s turn. A bottle of aftershave and a gift certificate to a golf shop.

William kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you, dear.”

“Of course. Happy birthday.”

It was a rare display of affection between them, though still cool and proper. This was, of course, the same Helene brought up by the strict MeeMaw. Everything had to be proper and restrained, even if Helene was more open than her mother was about certain things of being a modern woman.

“Well, Daddy, what do you think of your life so far?” Penny asked. It was a tradition her family had, asking each other about their lives on their birthdays. Everyone smiled and said how great everything was, even when livelihoods were being taken away and they were forced to move to another place.

“It’s as wonderful as ever. A lovely wife, two beautiful daughters, a future son-in-law,” William said. “And a job that keeps everyone with a roof over their heads, food to eat, and clothes to wear. Nothing more a man could ask for.”

Greg rolled his eyes at this and made a disgusted sound. That made the heat rise to Pam’s cheeks. Who was this boy rolling his eyes at her father’s life? While Pam kept her mouth clamped, William didn’t.

“I know it’s my birthday, Greg, but why don’t you tell us what you think of your life so far?” William asked.

“I think I’m wasting it being here in this nothing town with people who think that working in the capitalist machinery is somehow a great accomplishment,” Greg said.

Penny turned bright red. “Greg!”

“You feel the same way,” Greg said. “That’s why you moved to Philadelphia, isn’t it?”

“Choosing the safety and well-being of a family is not wasting one’s life,” William said. “Now I’ve mostly held my tongue in the past, but now that you’ve voiced your criticism of me, I’ll return the favor.

You’ve never worked a day in your life. You chase illogical intellectualism, call it deep, making yourself out to be better than everyone else, but you have contributed nothing to this world. And based on what you’re doing now, in ten years you won’t be anywhere to be proud of. Not like me. Not like my daughters, or Roy. Now, I’d like you to leave my birthday.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Greg said. He stood up, grabbed the jacket from the back of his chair and left. Penny ran after him.  
Pam hoped she’d break up with him once and for all.

“I’ll get the waitress to give us the check,” Pam said, and stood up to track her down. From looking out the windows, Penny caught up with Greg, and now they were yelling at each other. Penny’s mouth strained downward to try and keep the tears in, but failed.

After Pam found the waitress and asked for the check, she went outside to Penny, now alone and sobbing in the middle of an empty parking space. Pam held out her arms, and her sister ran into them.

“Why is he so dumb?” Penny asked through gasps of crying. “And why do I love him so much?”

Pam had never been in a position like this before. Her first boyfriend was sweet but had moved away, her second had turned out to be gay but trying to be straight, and then she’d had Roy. No great tumultuous relationship, no dramatic fits of passion. They had all made sense in some way, excluding the one sexuality complication.

“I know,” Pam said. “But maybe this just means you shouldn’t be with him.”

“I can’t love anyone else as much as I love him,” Penny said. “I just can’t. Every other boy I’ve tried to date is so boring.”

“Maybe boring isn’t so bad, if it means not getting your heart broken.”

“Ugh, you don’t understand.” Penny pulled back. “You found your perfect guy at seventeen.”

“Yeah, and we don’t act like this, ever,” Pam said. “Maybe that should be a clue Greg isn’t the one.”

Penny sighed. “It’s just different for me.”

William, Helene, and Roy all came out of the diner and made their way to the middle of the parking lot where the two sisters stood.

“Oh, baby,” Helene said and wrapped Penny in a hug, who shrugged it off.

“So is that idiot boy gone for good this time?” William asked.

“William!”

Roy took Pam’s hand in his, and Pam felt grateful. Despite blowing the money on a waverunner, his disparaging comments about her job, his sloppiness when he got drunk, he was steady. Safe. She knew him. They’d spent years building their relationship and going through hard things together.

It was just like her parents, really. And they’d been married for twenty-five years now, still going strong.

On the way home, Pam and Roy talked about Greg. At how out of touch he was with reality, wondering what Penny saw in him.

“And get this,” Roy said. “After you left, William said that he wants to get a master’s degree in media studies. I mean, what kind of degree is that?”

Pam shook her head. “I’m not sure. Doesn’t sound practical, though.”

“Not at all,” Roy said. “He’ll be wasting his time and money.”

Although Pam couldn’t disagree about media studies being a waste of time and money, she felt guilty at the same time making fun of Greg, when part of her still wanted to get her art degree. She’d gone to the community college, and when looking at four-year colleges to transfer to, Roy had his doubts, especially about the art degree. She tried to negotiate that a degree in art education would be more practical and Roy shot that down, too. Art teachers were the first to be cut when budgets got tight.

None of the other degrees particularly excited her, and then Roy’s dad died, and she couldn’t leave him to pursue a worthless degree, or any degree for that matter. And now she had to save for a wedding, and it still wasn’t practical to go study somewhere.

When back in Scranton they filled up on gas, bought groceries, and did chores around the apartment. After a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs from the freezer that Pam whipped up, Roy started kissing Pam in that way he did when he was wanting to get lucky.

After being together for eight years, what they did was comfortable. Roy knew what she liked and didn’t like, and the same went for her. It was safe. They could both enjoy it, grin at each other afterwards, and sleep soundly. Pam briefly thought about how great the sex Penny was having with Greg must be for her to keep going back to him, but pushed it out. She wouldn’t trade that experience for what she had with Roy.

This was the best Pam could expect.

* * *

_May 5, 2003 _  
__

Pam gave Roy a kiss as he headed to the warehouse and she went inside to the building. It was going to be a big day for her, as Toby was out of the office and a new employee started today. Toby would go over the official HR stuff with the new guy tomorrow, but for today she and Michael would be showing him around and getting him trained.

As she hit the button in the elevator to go up to their floor, she realized that after doing the dishes the night before, Roy had started making his moves on her, and she’d forgotten to put her engagement ring back on. She had a fear of it slipping off and falling into the drain, which is why she took it off when washing the dishes.

Oh well. She’d put it back on when she got home.

After Pam reviewed the voicemails, she went into the conference room to set up the TV and VCR for Michael’s training video, “The Scranton Witch Project.” She never knew how he could look at any of this and believe it was any good, though she had to admit it made people pay attention more than a normal boring training video.

The rest of the office filtered in, grabbing coffee, booting up computers. Then she heard Michael practically shouting, “Fresh meat! The fresh meat is here!”

Pam hit pause on video and went to help before the new guy quit right then. Coming out of the conference room, she saw a tall, lanky guy about her own age standing at reception with a messenger bag slung across his chest and his hands in his pockets. He had a bowl cut, which if they ever became friends Pam would definitely tease him about, and the grin on his face added to his goofy appearance.

Given the kind of people Michael tended to hire since becoming branch manager two years before, Pam braced herself for the worst but thought that maybe this guy wouldn’t be so terrible.

“Ah! And this is Miss Pamela Morgan Beesly, our fair receptionist,” Michael said in a posh British accent and bowed toward her and she approached. “May I introduce our valiant new saleman, James Halpert.”

Michael laughed in a short burst and then returned to a more normal voice. “She’ll take you around and introduce you to everyone here, and then we’ll have the training video. I hope you don’t get scared too easily.”

“I don’t think so,” James said.

Michael raised his eyebrows and giggled. “We’ll see.”

And with that, he was gone. Pam sighed with relief and turned to James. The new guy held out his right hand, “Hey, I’m Jim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big credit to Jenna Fischer for some of her insights/background into Pam's life before the documentary (mainly the waverunners and Pam's parents owning a hardware store). Most of you probably already know, but she and Angela Kinsey have a podcast called "Office Ladies" and she talks in a few episodes about her own background story for Pam.


	2. Part 2

_ She dreams in color, she dreams in red, _

_ Can’t find a better man _

_ May 5, 2003 _

“Hey, I’m Jim.”

Pam shook his hand. It was firm, sort of surprising for his frame, but it wasn’t crushing. “Pam. And sorry about Michael.”

“I mean, the guy interviewed me so I knew what I was getting into,” Jim said and squinted toward Michael in the kitchen. “Or at least I thought I did.”

“I don’t think you did,” Pam said. “Michael is only the beginning of the...unique individuals here at Dunder Mifflin.”

“And you’re supposed to introduce them all to me, right?”

Pam nodded. “Enjoy this moment, because you’re never going back to this time before you met your deskmate Dwight.”

Jim raised his eyebrows and smiled at her. She couldn’t remember the last time someone gave her a smile that genuine before. “Well, I think we should take a moment then, to savor my last bit of innocence.”

Pam nodded solemnly and Jim did the same, and they both stood there straight-backed for about ten seconds. Pam’s mouth twitched with trying to keep a straight face. Jim somehow kept a solemn face, but his eyes lit up.

“Well, let’s end the moment and my innocence, then,” Jim said.

Pam brought him over to the desk clump nearest reception. She pointed at a newly empty desk. It had been Dwight’s, but after begging Michael to take over Todd Packer’s old desk because that one had a better visual on possible intruders and short distance to attack them before reaching anyone else in the office, he’d switched over to the one directly facing Pam. With the new guy coming, Michael let him take Packer’s old spot. 

“This will be your desk,” Pam said and Jim slung his messenger bag over the chair. “And this is Dwight. Dwight, meet Jim. He’s the new salesman.”

Dwight stood up and marched over to Jim, looking him up and down. He thrust out his hand and Jim took it. 

“Hey, man, good to meet you,” Jim said as Dwight aggressively pumped their hands up and down. Pam pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead. Jim was definitely going to quit before the day was over. Jim let go of Dwight’s hand.

“Weak grip, and easily surrendering to break the handshake first,” Dwight noted.

“What?” Jim asked. 

“I had hoped for someone who could help me be the front line defense for this office. Now it seems I was mistaken,” Dwight said, putting his hands on his hips and thrusting out his chest.

“Is there a problem with murderers infiltrating this office?” Jim asked.

Dwight scoffed. “It could be any number of things. A rabid dog, a robber, a terrorist, a kidnapper, a sex offender. The fact you don’t even think of these possibilities is already showing how ignorant and unobservant you are.”

Jim puffed out his cheeks with air and blew the air out, his eyes wide. “It seems like I need to start taking this responsibility seriously.”

Dwight nodded his head. “Yes, yes you do.”

“What I think I need is a demonstration,” Jim said. “Of what a situation like that could look like. I need to see that.”

“I can start attacking you at random,” Dwight said.

“No, no, see, I’m a visual learner,” Jim said. “I learn by seeing, not doing. So I need you to show me how I can help fight off these degenerates who would try to hurt everyone in this mid-range paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.”

Pam had to clamp her lips together to keep from laughing.

“Okay,” Dwight said. “Consider it done.”

He proceeded back to his seat and started to make a phone call. He looked furtively over his shoulder at Jim and Pam and turned his back to them as he started talking to someone on the phone.

“It seems that maybe Dwight has met his match,” Pam said to Jim.

“He’s made it clear he’s the vastly superior alpha male in this office,” Jim said. “I mean, for me to not even consider the fact that Al Queda’s next target is this very office shows that.”

Pam smiled, appreciating that he didn’t take himself too seriously. 

“Come on, let’s introduce you to some more tolerable people.”

She led him over to Phyllis and Stanley’s desk clump, making introductions, then around to Devon, Creed, and Meredith, and then to accounting with Kevin, Angela, and Tom.

“This is the kitchen,” Pam said, opening the door and showing Jim inside. “The bathrooms are in there, fridge, mugs are above the sink.”

“Have you ever been a tour guide before? Because I refuse to believe this amazing talent of yours is completely natural,” Jim said, leaning up against the counter. He was close by where she had stopped, only a few inches away.

“I, uh, actually was for a summer in college,” Pam said.

“What? No way, let me guess.” He put a finger to his mouth, thinking, then pointed it back at her. “Gettysburg.”

Pam laughed. “Gettsyburg? That’s what you think of me?”

“What? I can picture it. You get dressed up in a big skirt and apron, maybe a bonnet. I’d bet you looked cute.”

Was Jim flirting with her? Pam blushed. He couldn’t be. He had just been hired as a salesman, so surely he was just one of those friendly guys who it seemed like he was flirting with everyone. And what he described would definitely  _ not  _ look cute.

“No, it was for an art museum, actually.”

“Oh, you’re into art?” Jim’s eyes lit up like it was actually interesting. Was he closer now? It made Pam a little uneasy at first, seeing how interested he was in this hobby of hers.

She nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking about maybe going on to a four-year college to get an art degree, so I spent a summer interning at a museum. You know, learning more about that world.”

“Makes sense why you’re working at a paper company now,” Jim said. “Must be able to get a lot of art supplies. Should I get you to be my first client?”

“Do...do you think that artists use the paper we sell here?” Pam asked.

“What? We have that heavy stuff, too.”

Pam shook her head. “I don’t do that stuff too much anymore.”

“Oh. Well, in case you ever do want to use our fine Dunder Mifflin paper, I should give you my card.” Jim reached for his left breast pocket then stopped. “As soon as I actually get some cards.” 

“Yeah, you better get that to me or I’ll never know how to contact you,” Pam said. “Come on, you still have to see the annex and the break room.”

Toby was out, but the customer service representative Larry was in his cubicle. After pointing out the break room with its vending machines and a debate on which chip flavor was best (Pam held out that French onion was best, but Jim disagreed and said it was barbeque), it was time for Michael’s training video.

“Have you seen this yet?” Jim asked as he and Pam sat down in the conference room.

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Okay, well I haven’t, so don’t let me know what’s going to happen in it.”

Michael came in then, wearing a light blue beanie and his work suit. Jim’s mouth fell open slightly, and Pam had to cover her mouth to hide her giggling. Poor Jim. He hadn’t seen anything of their boss’s strange side yet.

“Now, Jim, I don’t want to scare you but, we do have a witch in this office,” Michael said. “A witch that makes working in this office very difficult.”

“Wow. That sounds serious.” Jim said.

“It is, Jim. It is. In fact, I made a documentary about it if you’d like to see it.”

“Of course.”

Michael nodded at Pam, who hit play with the remote while Michael turned off the lights. The video opened with Michael in front of the office building, far enough away that the the shot could get a good portion of the building.

“Dunder Mifflin,” Michael said. “Founded in 1949 by Roberts Dunder and Mifflin. In 1982, it opened its branch right here in Scranton, Pennsylvania. But rumor has it that this office is haunted by the presence of a witch, who breaks every single rule of the office.”

The film cut to Creed talking about the witch, and then Meredith. Pam sat through the so-called plot of the video with shots of the carpet and walls and close-ups of Michael and Dwight. The two of them crept into the office at night and filmed the terrible things that the witch had done, including not properly putting trash in the garbage can, jamming the printer and leaving it, cooking fish in the microwave, not labelling personal food, and sucking the life out of the office. This is how Dwight died in the video, the witch sucked out his fun and made him into the worst thing of all--an HR representative.

“So as you can see, I’m lucky to have made it out alive,” Michael said, turning the lights back on.

“Clearly,” Jim said. “So, is that why Dwight is the way that he is? The witch sucked the life out of him?”

Michael sighed and nodded. “Yes. A real tragedy there.”

“Wow, so what are we doing to get rid of the witch?” Pam asked, unable to resist adding to the game.

“I’ve taken care of that, Pam.” Michael said in that voice he got when he didn’t want anyone to follow up with more questions. “The witch is gone.”

“So, that means I can microwave my curry in the break room now,” Jim said.

“Yeah, and I can leave the copier as it is when it gets jammed,” Pam said. Jim nodded at her approvingly.

“No, because if you do that, then the witch will come back, so we need to not do those things in the video.”

“But you said you got rid of the witch,” Pam said.

“I did, but it’s a witch, so it’s, just, don’t to the witchy things, okay?” Michael asked. He stood up, officially gesturing that the conversation was closed. “So, now that you’re all trained up, I’m going to grab some lunch and then I will teach you how to do a sales call.”

“Perfect, looking forward to it,” Jim said.

Pam stood up to work on straightening up the conference room. She couldn’t believe that it was noon already. The day had gone by so quickly, when usually the weekdays crawled by.

As she ejected the VHS, she felt Jim standing beside her. Was he just a little too close again? She didn’t think so, or maybe working with Michael had warped her sense of personal space.

“Hey, would you want to grab lunch right now?” Jim asked.

“I don’t know, I have a pretty great lunch packed already,” Pam said, putting the VHS back in its sleeve. “Think you can beat a Lean Cuisine and a yogurt?”

“What flavor is the yogurt?”

“Blueberry, I think.”

Jim sighed. “I was hoping you’d say peach, then I could definitely say yes.”

He was too adorable to keep struggling. Adorable like a little brother, of course. Not that she knew if he was actually younger than her. Or what having a brother was like. 

“Well, let me pick the place, and you drive, and I’ll give up my frozen dinner and Yoplait,” Pam said.

“That is clearly the only fair exchange here,” Jim agreed.

Pam clicked the remote and the screen flicked from blue to black. Jim grabbed his messenger bag while Pam picked up her purse, and the two of them headed down to the parking lot. Pam felt a bit uneasy as she looked down the side of the building where the warehouse backed up their trucks to load the paper. She and Roy hadn’t made plans to eat lunch together, and she was just being friendly with the new guy.

“This is me,” Jim said, pointing to a mid-90s Corolla. Rather than walking to the driver’s side, he followed her to the passenger’s. He unlocked the door and held it open for her.

“Oh, thanks,” Pam said and ducked down into the car. She couldn’t remember the last time Roy had done that for her. Maybe prom? She found it odd that Jim had, but then again, some people raised their boys with that sense of old-fashioned chivalry to all women.

Jim got into his seat. “Okay, so, where are we going for lunch?”

“Peggy Sue’s,” Pam said.

“Where is that?”

“Are you from Scranton?”

“Uh, yeah, but I don’t know every restaurant here.”

“Okay, that’s fine, but to not know Peggy Sue’s? That’s like a Shakespearean level tragedy.”

“Thank god you’re here to save me.”

Pam gave him directions, in between comments about the CDs he had stashed in the car. Overall, he had good taste. Foo Fighters, Weezer, Death Cab for Cutie, Green Day, Pearl Jam, Arcade Fire, Interpol. Then she came across a Red Hot Chili Pepper’s album.

“Oh man, I knew your taste couldn’t be all that cool,” Pam said, pulling out the CD and showing him the blue and red cover.

“What? That’s their best album.”

“The best album of an overrated band is still an overrated album.”

“Overrated doesn’t mean bad.”

“Oh, turn right here.”

Jim flipped on his turn signal. “Put it on, and try to tell me it’s completely bad.”

“Fine.” Pam did as he said, and the sound of the beginning riff of “Around the World” emitted from the speakers. They listened for a minute as Jim kept glancing over at her.

“You’re nodding your head,” Jim said.

“I am not.”

“You can’t fight it, the Chili Peppers know how to write a beat.”

As he said it, the singer began to sing the “ding dang dong” portion of the song.

“Right, they’re real poets,” Pam said, then pointed out the inconspicuous little diner. “Here, it’s right over there.”

Jim pulled into the narrow strip of the parking lot.

“I’m not saying they’re the best band, but I’m just saying, let her who is without a subpar CD in her collection cast the first stone,” Jim said and placed the car in park.

Pam wondered if Jim would get the door for her again, but decided she didn’t want to give him the option. It would be too much for a coworker to do for her, especially since it wasn’t like she needed any actual help in getting out of a car.

“I have great taste in music,” Pam said as they walked across the parking lot. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, no Spice Girls hanging around in your car?”

“You wanted me to point out subpar albums, not modern works of genius.”

Jim held open the door to the diner. “Don’t tell me your idea of musical genius is girl bands and boy bands.”

“Hey, we all need something to dance to in this world.”

“Well, you’ll have to show me the appeal sometime.”

Pam bit her bottom lip. Now he was definitely flirting with her. After all, bringing up something like boy bands to a guy usually meant endless mockery, unless he was gay. That, or he was into the girl and willing to put up with crap for a little bit to make her like him. Roy had certainly played that with her their first year together.

The diner was small and could only fit about ten tables. It was filled with old pictures and newspaper clippings on the walls, plastic flowers on top of the booths. The brown tile floor was old, but kept clean and neat.

Pam led the way to the old hostess table up front. “Hey Norma, can we get a table?”

“Of course, Pammy,” Norma said. “I’ll give you our best spot. Just two of you?”

Pam nodded, and Norma grabbed two menus, even though Pam didn’t need one anymore.

Norma showed them to a table by the window that looked out on the street, in front of the brown buildings and gray asphalt. 

“Thanks, Norma,” Pam said as the hostess set down their menus.

“Linda will be over in a minute to take your order.”

Jim and Pam settled in their seats across from each other. Pam thought that Jim would pick up the menu and start browsing his options, but instead he was looking at her with a mischievous grin on his face.

“So,  _ Pammy _ , you’ve been coming here a long time, huh?”

“Ugh, don’t even start with that.”

“What?  _ Pammy _ ?”

“It’s a dumb nickname my family called me when I was little,” Pam said. “Pretty much only my parents, my dad’s parents, and Norma call me that anymore.”

“That sounds like a very exclusive club to be a part of,” Jim said. 

“And we are no longer giving out memberships.”

Jim finally picked up his menu and Linda came to get their drink orders. Pam had been hungry when they left, but waiting for Linda to come back with their drinks and take their order, and then waiting for their food to come had felt like no time at all while she and Jim talked. She found herself hardly making any progress on her food because of how much she was talking and laughing. If Pam believed in past lives, Jim would have had to have been her brother or cousin in one of them, because of how effortless their conversation was.

As the hour of their lunch break came to an end, Jim asked Linda for the check so they could leave. Pam picked up her purse from the floor and pulled out her wallet.

“Oh, no, let me get it,” Jim said.

“It’s okay, I’ll cover my stuff,” Pam said. While it had been a long time since she had a first date, she did know that the guy covered the meal when taking a girl out. Pam realized how all of this looked now. Jim asked her if she wanted to grab lunch, she said yes, and now he was trying to pay. Her left hand suddenly felt very naked, and she realized that through the whole morning and lunch, she had never once mentioned Roy.

“Are you sure?” Jim asked, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Pam felt guilty, thinking all this time that she had just found a very good friend at the office. If she were single and everything had played out between them as it had, she would have thought that maybe something was happening between them, too.

“Yeah.” Pam scrambled for a way to bring Roy up. “I like your wallet, where did you get it?”

“Uh, I’m not sure, Sears maybe?”

“My fiance’s wallet is falling apart, so I want to get him one for his birthday,” Pam said. “He’s had the thing since high school so it’s completely worn out.”

“Oh.” Jim’s face was far too neutral for him to actually be having neutral feelings. “You’re engaged?”

“Yeah, I am.” Pam looked down at her hand. “I was cleaning last night and forgot to put my ring back on.”

“Well, congratulations. When’s the big day?” He struggled to keep his face light and happy.

“We’re still saving up.”

Jim nodded, and thankfully Linda came with the check. Pam gave him cash for her portion of the bill, and he paid for it all on his card.

Pam worried for a moment that Jim would suddenly turn on her and become cold and rude. It had honestly been so long since she met someone who didn’t know she was with Roy that it wasn’t something she naturally did. In college, she met plenty of guys in class or her work who would act friendly, and then turn on her when she mentioned her boyfriend, acting like she didn’t exist or, if they did stick around as a friend, eventually calling her a dumb slut for dating Roy.

Please, god, she needed a normal friend at work. Or even just a friend, anywhere, and Jim was the closest she’d had to getting one in years. His switch over to silence worried her that she’d lost a friend.

But as they were walking out, Jim said, “Dwight’s the kind of guy who believes that the zombie apocalypse is only a matter of time, right?”

“Definitely.”

Jim nodded thoughtfully. “That is something we’ll have to use against him sometime.”

Pam smiled. “You’ll have to let me in on that one.”

* * *

_ May 22, 2003 _

In two weeks, Jim had managed to get Dwight to have his cousin Mose pretend-attack the office so Dwight could properly demonstrate how to defend against an office attacker, set up a fake radio contest for a Metallica concert in which he was constantly one caller short from being the winner, and convinced him the ghost of Robert Mifflin was haunting the Office building. Those had only been the more elaborate pranks.

Jim would come over and ask Pam if she was doing anything, and that’s how she knew the day was going to get a little bit more interesting.

At first, Pam would tell Roy about the pranks--switching out Dwight’s Dunder Mifflin logo pens for sparkly gel pens, or filling his drawers with packing peanuts. But Roy began to squint and flex his jaw when these pranks, and inevitably Jim, got brought up. 

Pam stopped mentioning Jim so much, and would tell stories about other people at work to try and make Jim less of a focus. She knew that their bond was more of a brother-sister type thing, but she didn’t want Roy to get mad.

Still, in a half a month’s time Jim had become the friend that she had needed so badly. He listened to her frustration about the party planning committee and Michael’s inappropriate comments, and he made her laugh with all of his light-hearted quips. Pam couldn’t think of anyone else she had so quickly and easily clicked with. Even with Roy, it had taken several dates to feel like comfortable with him.

Despite Pam’s avoidance of mentioning Jim so much, the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend Roy showed up at the office’s door at noon and sauntered up to Pam’s desk.

“Hey baby,” he said. “Wanna eat lunch together?”

“Oh, okay,” Pam said. “I have to finish up a few things, but I’ll be in the break room in about five minutes.”

Roy gave a nod and turned to go back toward the breakroom, but stopped at Jim’s desk. Pam paused to watch them. 

“Hey, you’re Jim, right?”

“Uh, yeah, I am.” Jim stood up and shook Roy’s hand, who gripped back firmly.

“I’m Roy, Pam’s fiance.”

Oh, god. Roy had to come up here and intimidate Jim? Possibly check out a potential threat? How little did Roy think of her?

“Oh, hey, man, good to meet you. Pam talks about you a lot.”

Somewhat of a lie, or at least stretching the truth. She didn’t not mention him, as in, she would admit she saw a certain movie with Roy or went to a restaurant with him, but she didn’t give him a full backstory. But Roy did look pleased with that statement.

“Pam and I were just about to have lunch,” Roy said. “Want to join us?”

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Come on, I want to get to know my fiancee’s new friend.”

Jim smiled, but his eyes were hesitant. “All right. Just gotta finish up this email.”

Roy clapped him on the shoulder, much harder than he needed to, and strolled through the kitchen door. Pam felt nervous about Jim and Roy being alone together, and so she put aside the mail she had been sorting and got up to follow Roy into the breakroom.

A few minutes later, Jim came into the breakroom with his paper bag lunch and sat down across from Roy and Pam. Roy slung an arm around the back of Pam’s chair, clearly marking his territory like some kind of dog as Jim unpacked his lunch.

“So, Jim, where are you from?” Roy asked.

“Right here in Scranton.”

“Really? Did you go to West Scranton High?”

Jim nodded, his mouth too full of turkey sandwich to answer. Pam wanted to make a comment about it being the first time she saw him bring something other than ham to lunch, but decided not to bring it up in front of Roy.

“That’s why we don’t know you,” Roy said. “Pam and I went to Scranton High.”

“Yeah, she told me you guys started dating in high school,” Jim said.

“Though you do look kind of familiar,” Roy said. “Did you play any sports?”

“Basketball.”

“I was more of a football guy myself,” Roy said. “But I’d shoot some hoops when I wanted to relax.” 

“Uh, yeah, I find basketball to be a good outlet,” Jim said. Pam had never been so embarrassed by Roy’s attempts to domineer over someone else. Usually, it had been funny when a guy at a bar tried to hit on her and then Roy would use his height and build to intimidate the other guy. Now with her co-worker, her  _ friend _ , it was embarrassing.

“I could never manage to get the ball anywhere even near a hoop,” Pam said, entering the conversation to hopefully stop the one-upsmanship.

Roy laughed. “Yeah, you were such a dork in high school.”

“A dork that you are now engaged to,” Pam reminded him.

“Oh, Lisa Lewis,” Roy said, turning to Jim. “She was a cheerleader from West Scranton High I dated before Pam. She was such a slut, though. You must have dated her, she did all of the guys at West Scranton before she had to come over to our side of town.”

“Yeah, I know Lisa, but I never dated her. Cheerleaders were never really my thing, and I had a steady girlfriend the last two years of high school anyway.”

“Who was she?” Pam asked. She was curious, who this high school sweetheart of his was.

“Sarah Lively,” Jim said. “She was one of the theater kids. Didn’t understand anything about basketball which drove my brothers and friends nuts, but she has a great sense of humor. We had a lot of good times together.”

“Ugh, a theater nerd?” Roy said. “She must have been a lot of drama.”

“No, she’s great. I mean, yeah, there were little things, I guess, like all high schoolers dating, but she’s cool.”

“What happened to her?” Pam asked. Jim didn’t sound like Roy did when he talked about any of his ex-girlfriends, angry and judgy. It was definitely different from what she was used to. But he also didn’t sound desperately in love with her still, which is how Michael talked about his ex-girlfriend from ten years ago. 

“Well, I went to Penn State for school, but she wanted to become an actress. She is really good, too. When she played Beatrice in  _ Much Ado About Nothing _ , I could not stop laughing.” Jim smiled in a nostalgic way, picking up a baby carrot and just holding it. “So, she headed to L.A. after high school. We tried to make it work, but it was too hard with the long distance. And I couldn’t see myself moving out to California when all my family is here, and she had to go for her dream. And she is good. She’s filmed a pilot for a sitcom recently, though she doesn’t know if it’ll get picked up.”

Pam popped a grape in her mouth and chewed carefully. She must have been stunning, this Sarah Lively. Even her name brought out an image of an outgoing, smart, pretty girl. The type of girl that would pair so well with Jim.

Roy raised an eyebrow at Pam, and she knew what he was thinking. That Sarah was an idiot for going to L.A. when the chance of success is so slim, and Jim was an idiot for letting her go.

“You’ll have to tell us if it does get picked up,” Pam said. “That way we can watch it and support her.”

“Thanks, I’ll let you know.”

On the way home from work, Roy made his final assessment of Jim to Pam, “He seems like a cool guy, but does not seem like much of a fighter.”

“No, he’s a salesman,” Pam said, and Roy laughed, putting his hand on her knee while they drove. She felt a little bad about the joke, but she also knew she had to keep Roy pacified. If he saw Jim as a sucker, which based on what Jim said and did during lunch, he did, then Roy would leave them alone. He’d looked over the threat, considered it neutralized, and that meant Pam had her friend.

_ June 11, 2003 _

While Jim and Pam had lunch together in the break room, talking about the monkeypox virus and whether the powers that be should have given it a less silly name, when Michael came in. 

“Pam,” Michael said, “I haven’t gotten a save the date yet, and I really need to start asking women to come as my plus one. You know how it is, if you don’t give someone three month’s notice, their calendar fills up.”

Pam felt her stomach sink. She didn’t like talking about her engagement to anyone at the moment. Months ago she had told people in the office that she planned on a September wedding.

“Oh, um, we haven’t set a date yet,” Pam said. “When we do, we’ll definitely give you enough time to find a date.”

“But you said it was going to be in September,” Michael said.

Pam took the napkin in her lap and balled it up in her fist. “That’s what we were planning, but some things came up, and now we can’t.”

“What things? Like, sex things? Have you two had problems with that?” Michael grew serious. Jim coughed on the Doritos he had been eating. He continued, “Because maybe, if I talk to Roy--”

“Nope, no, no, Michael, it’s just--it’s just a budget thing.”

Michael nodded. “Oh, okay. Wow, so you’ve been engaged for a year already, and you don’t have a date for the wedding still? That’s going to be, like, the longest engagement ever.”

Pam dropped her gaze to her lap, feeling utterly worthless with how Michael so blatantly spelled out the facts of her engagement. She’d already wondered why Roy had wanted the jet ski more than he wanted to marry her, wondered why when she talked budgeting with him he said not to worry about it. 

“Even if she does have a long engagement,” Jim said, “she’ll still be married before she’s...how old are you, Michael? Forty-five?”

“Thirty-eight,” Michael said.

“Forty-one,” Pam corrected, glancing up and giving a grin to Jim.

“Forty-one,” Jim said. “So really, looking at it that way, it’s not so bad.”

Michael shifted his feet back and forth, looking stricken at what Jim had said. “Yeah, well, Pam, just make sure when you do get a wedding date that you let me know with enough advanced notice.”

And with that, he was gone. Jim took a swig of his grape soda and Pam picked up the fork for her salad again.

“Thanks,” Pam said. She wished she could have stuck up for herself then. Over the past year, she’d learned how to sass Michael when she needed to, but in that moment having him poke and prod at something that was such a sensitive area for her, she’d frozen up.

“He was being a jerk,” Jim said. “It’s not any of his business.”

Pam nodded. “And it’s not going to be a long engagement like he said, anyway.”

“Yeah, I mean, if all it is is money, then that’s easy to fix,” Jim said. “You only need like fifty bucks for a marriage license anyway.”

“I have fifty dollars, Jim, but a wedding costs a lot more than  _ that _ , even if you’re being frugal,” Pam said.

“No, I know, and you should totally have your dream wedding,” Jim said. “I’m just saying that, if something happens, like you have unexpected medical bills, and you have to use your wedding money for that instead, in the end, to actually be married, it’s not too expensive.”

Pam crunched on a crouton. For Jim, the standard for using money from the wedding budget was medical bills. For Roy, it was a jet ski.

“Would you do that?” Pam asked. “Just have some little courtroom wedding in that same suit you wear to work and your bride in a sundress?”

Jim’s face broke out into a smile like it was his wedding day. “When I--if I get to marry the woman I love, I would just want to be married to her. I could be wearing one of Dwight’s mustard shirts and brown ties, in the parking lot of this office park, and I wouldn’t care. I’d just want her to be my wife.”

Jim went back to his Doritos after that and Pam took a drink of her water. In all honesty, she hadn’t thought of just having the most simple, cheapest of ceremonies with Roy. When the money was gone, she hadn’t thought of going to a courthouse. She instead planned and saved money so she could have her perfect dress and a reception to even make her mother’s stuffy side of the family somewhat impressed. It had to just be the difference between a man and a woman, Pam told herself. 

“I’d rethink the fashion choice of wearing Dwight’s clothes,” Pam said, trying to lighten the conversation.

“Are you saying a topless wedding would be the way to go?” Jim asked.

Pam shrugged. “If it’s that or looking like a condiment, I’d say yes.”

Finally, the conversation was back to where Pam felt comfortable.

* * *

_ September 2, 2003 _

They had taken out the jet skis one more time for the summer before putting them back into storage. For the first time since being engaged, Pam didn’t have her Saturdays nights alone, as herself, Roy, Kenny, and Kenny’s girlfriend Marcie took the waverunners out nearly every weekend and holiday. It was fun, being out in the water, lathering on sunscreen and still turning pink and then tan. The sing-alongs in the truck on the way there and the exhausted but satisfied drives back.

Then Labor Day ended it, and it was September, and all Pam could think is that while the waverunners would be in storage until next May, she could have been married that very month.

Pam was distracted, and she had taken Friday off as well as Monday, so crawling back into work felt like crawling back into quicksand, inevitably sinking lower with the knowledge that this would one day completely suffocate her.

As she sat down at her desk, though, Jim came in and smiled at her, boosting her from the muck of the quicksand a little.

“Hey,” he said, leaning against her desk at reception. “How was your weekend?”

“Over way too soon,” Pam said. “How about you?”

“Way too long,” Jim said. “I mean, barbequing with friends, seeing my new nephew, that drags on far too long when I have all of this waiting for me.”

“It is hard being apart from Dwight so long.”

Jim sighed. “How did you see through me?”

“You know what they say. When little boys prank other little boys, it means he likes him.”

Jim laughed and went over to his desk, settling in for the day. Michael came in an hour late with a fedora on, and Pam did not want to know what that was about, but had a feeling she would find out soon enough anyway. Midmorning, she was getting hungry and went into the kitchen for something to eat. No one had brought in treats, and so she looked through the fridge to see what she had in there. After pushing past some tupperwares of lunches, she found a mixed berry yogurt she had brought in last week but forgot to eat.

At her desk, Pam pulled back the lid to the yogurt when Jim suddenly appeared at her desk.

“Hey,” she said, getting ready to lick the lid before putting it in the trash, but Jim reached out and put a hand to her wrist, stopping the lid from making it up to her mouth, though her tongue was already partially out.

“This might sound weird,” Jim said, “and there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”

Pam began laughing. She couldn’t remember quite what she and Jim said after that, or who threw the expired yogurt into the trash can, because for the first time in years, Pam had those cliche butterflies in her stomach. They had jolted her suddenly and unexpectedly, and for the rest of the day, Pam felt embarrassed to even look over at Jim.

She would remember the soft pressure of his hand on hers, the concerned look on his face, and the fact that he somehow kept track of her yogurt. It was like being in school and having a crush on a classmate all over again. 

Of course, these feelings also mixed with guilt. She was engaged, she shouldn’t have a crush on Jim. She had convinced Roy that nothing of that sort was happening, and now it was.

She avoided Jim at lunch by waiting past their normal time of taking their break and Kevin was sitting with Jim at lunch instead. During the afternoon, Michael had her help him decide what his signature hat should be, which helped keep her occupied and away from Jim for a bit, though of course when she came out he wanted to know what Michael had needed her for in his office for an hour. He had come up to her desk and leaned over it to ask her about it.

“He said he needs a woman’s opinion on what type of hat he should start wearing on dates,” Pam said.

“So what ridiculous choice did you tell him looked good?” Jim asked. Pam glowed inside as his eyes gleamed mischievously at her. 

“With Michael, it’s more of a nudging him to what he already wants,” Pam said.

And with that, Michael showed up with a Kangol on backwards, like the ones Samuel L. Jackson wore. Pam also compared the look to the one of those teen heartthrobs from the 90s wore with the backwards newsboy caps. When Pam had brought up that comparison, Michael decided to go with this look, because it would have a broader appeal and hit on two demographics of women. Pam wasn’t sure who those two demographics were, or how large they were. 

"And what did he already want?" Jim asked, and as he did, Michael came out of his office sporting his new look.

"Big date tonight," Michael said, grabbing his coat off the coat rack. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Jim said.

Pam muttered, "To whatever poor woman you're taking out tonight."

Jim held in a snigger, and Michael turned back, "What was that Pam?"

"You'll do great tonight," She said.

Michael smiled and waved good-bye. With him gone, Pam felt the closeness between herself and Jim. Although the counter separated them, it felt far too close. Why did she have to realize that she liked Jim now?

"Hey," Jim said, turning back to Pam, forearms on the counter as he leaned forward. "I've been thinking about getting a new car, since, the Corolla's pretty old, and to save money I was thinking of getting a manual."

"Smart."

"Yeah, but the thing is, I don't exactly know how to drive a manual," Jim said. "And I noticed that your car is a manual, so I was wondering if you would teach me?"

Pam's stomach flipped around and she started to smile, but then hesitated. Roy might have pegged Jim for being weak or unmanly or whatever, but he still wouldn't like the two of them hanging out together outside of work.

"I could, but, I mean, the only time that I really have is Saturday nights," Pam said. "That's when Roy has poker night with his buddies."

"I can make that work," Jim said. "After all, how long could it take to learn how to drive stick?"

* * *

_ February 21, 2004 _

It was taking Jim a very long time to learn stick. Almost every Saturday night since September, Pam drove to Jim’s house, picked him up at 8:00, and drove to the community college’s empty parking lot to help him learn how to drive manual. He was a complete failure at the whole thing. It took him months to learn how to shift and get into first gear, and even still he was missing it about half the time.

They only did that for about an hour before Pam switched back into driver’s seat and then they’d go get something to eat. Pam would always point out a drive through, since it was unlikely any of the teenagers at the window would recognize either one of them. Then they’d park somewhere, dipping fries into milkshakes and talking and laughing.

The crush Pam recognized she’d gotten back in September hadn’t ever quite gone away like she’d expected it to. Jim’s bowl cut had been growing out and his hair began to flip up, making her want to put her fingers in it. Or he’d get a bit of whip cream on his cheek and she wanted to kiss it off. 

But Jim acted the same as always. Although he had her alone in a car, the most they ever touched was when she handed him the bag of their food and his drink. Sometimes it was agonizing, having him there, wanting to have some kind of physical connection, but worrying if even an innocent gesture would lead into something more. Something that would make Pam something she never wanted to be--a cheater.

But he was a friend. That’s what she told herself over and over again. A friend she happened to have a crush on. And that was all.

She and Jim sat in the parking lot of McDonald’s after another mostly unsuccessful night of learning to drive manual with an apple pie each and a McFlurry they decided to split.

“I think you’re a lost cause, Halpert,” Pam said. “You barely make it into first gear.”

“Come on, don’t you have a thing for lost causes?”

Pam grew cold, and not due to the ice cream. “What do you mean?”

“Uh, nothing really. Just trying to keep the joke going.”

“Oh, right,” Pam said. She’d thought for a moment Jim was talking about Roy. They still hadn’t gotten a date set for the wedding. Pam had wanted one in June, but Roy didn’t want to set a date yet. He said there way no rush, and Pam didn’t push it. She didn’t want Jim to make this connection, and so she said, “I mean, you’d think a single guy in his twenties would have better things to do on a Saturday night than learn to drive manual with his engaged friend.”

“Are you taking a blow at my dating life?” Jim asked.

Despite how good of friends they were, that was one topic the two of them didn’t talk much about. Pam had overheard a couple of things before, but never so direct.

“Well if you’re here with me almost every Saturday night, one does have to wonder,” Pam said.

Jim chewed on his apple pie slowly, becoming almost serious. “There are other days of the week, just to make that clear. But I don’t know. I guess I like taking a break from phony sales relationships and first dates and set-ups, and just hanging out with a friend.”

Pam’s entire body warmed over. Part of her had always thought that Jim was such a personable guy that she had to be one of dozens of friends. Certainly his best option at work, and right now the girl with the manual car, but she didn’t realize that the appreciation she felt toward him was returned.

Oh no. Were the butterflies getting stronger? She felt like she had to kiss him. Like he was the one she had to be with and not Roy. 

_ Roy _ . She couldn’t cheat on him. She had to cover her feelings.

“Okay, so now you’re just trying to prove you’re smooth-talking enough to get a date,” Pam said. “I believe you.”

They moved on to other topics, but Pam’s heart never quite slowed down as she dropped him off at his place and fell into bed before Roy could get home.

* * *

_ February 22, 2004 _

That night Pam had a sex dream. But it wasn’t Roy, or John Stamos, or Jack Sparrow, or any of her usual celebrity crushes.

It was Jim. It was in the conference room at work, on the table, where anyone could walk in and see them through the window. No one else was there but the two of them, and the expectation of getting caught made it even more exciting. Both in the dream and in real life, Pam finished.

Pam woke up at 5 am, sweaty and relaxed, happy. For a moment she lingered on the details of the dream, until she heard Roy’s heavy breathing beside her. That made her shoot up, disgusted with herself, as if she had actually cheated on Roy. It felt as if she had as good as done it.

Pam climbed out of the bed and took a cold shower, shivering and clenching tight again. She had to get it all out of her system, whatever was going on with her feelings for Jim. It just wasn't right anymore. Unless...after all, Roy was the one putting off the wedding. Maybe neither of them really wanted to be married to each other. 

She wrapped herself in a towel and then put on a clean pair of sweats and a large t-shirt. Pam snuck out of the bedroom and brought her cell phone with her. Although it was five thirty, she knew that her mom would be awake already and at the gym. 

Pam started to make coffee, to get something warm after the cold shower. As the coffee began to drip into the pot, she dialed her mom’s cell. 

An out-of-breath Helene said, “Pam? Is everything all right?”

“Um, yeah, Mom, I just need to talk to you about something right now, while Roy’s still asleep.” Pam could hear the whirring of a treadmill slow and then stop as she spoke.

“What is it?” Weights clacked together in the distance, and then it grew quiet.

“Have you ever had a crush on a man who wasn’t dad? I mean, since the two of you were together?” Pam grabbed a mug as the stream from the coffee maker slowed.

“Of course I have! Crushes are all chemical. It’d be impossible not to get crushes on other people.”

“And what about--I mean, have you ever had a sex dream about one of them?” She poured the coffee into the mug. She didn’t add any cream or sugar. She wanted it strong this morning.

“Pam? Did  _ you  _ have a sex dream about a crush?”

“Yes,” Pam said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “You know my coworker that I talk about?”

“Jim?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Brains do strange things when you’re asleep, sweetheart,” Helene said. “But you choose what you do when you’re awake, and I know that you’d never cheat on Roy.”

“I know,” Pam said, her palm on the hot coffee cup. It made her think of how she’d felt last night with Jim, all warmed over and happy. “But maybe...maybe it’s saying I should break things off.”

“Pammy, no,” Helene said. “You think you should break off your engagement to a man you’ve been with for seven years because you have a crush?”

Pam didn’t want to admit to her mother that now it felt like more than a crush. Even before the sex dream, it had almost seemed like maybe she’d found her soulmate. Her person. That guy that understood her better than anyone else, and made her laugh, and thought she had talent.

“I don’t know,” Pam muttered, her throat growing thick with tears. 

“Pam, I have been with your father for over a quarter of a century,” Helene said. “We don’t always have fun together, or agree, and sometimes he does things or forgets things that drive me crazy! But he’s a good man. He’s dependable and loyal, and he’s always provided for us and respected me. Now, I’m not saying that this Jim you’ve developed a crush on is a bad guy. But the fact of life is that after so many years, any man you’re with will have his idiosyncrecies that annoy you. He’ll make mistakes and forget things, too. It won’t be perfect.”

“I know, but Roy he--I don’t know, there’s something now that I’m not sure about.”

“It’s those little annoying things, that’s all,” Helene said. “Has Roy done anything terrible to you? Like hit you?”

“No.”

“And this Jim, has he told you that he likes you, or wants to date you?”

“I think he did ask me out, on his first day at the office.”

“But he knows that you’re engaged. Any sane man would have gotten over it by now, you’ve been mentioning him for months."

"That's...true," Pam said with some disappointment.

"So if you break things off with Roy and go after this Jim, he’ll only be the same to you in a few years, all of those little annoying things. Or you break things off with Roy, Jim doesn’t want to date you, and you’ve lost your fiance over a dumb little crush. And any other man in the future would be the same.”

“Yeah, okay, you’re right.” Pam said miserably. “I won’t find a man better than Roy, so there’s no point in hurting him.”

“And you love him,” Helene added. “You’ve been together for seven years. If that’s not love, then what is?”

Pam thought for a moment about Jim and everything she’d felt around him, each little thing he’d done for her. It felt like love, but it was only movie love. Doomed to flicker out once the film was over and the couple got together. Pam and Roy were the sitcom love. True with all of its bumps and flaws, but stretching on and on for years on end. 

"Thanks Mom, love you."

"I love you too, honey."

Roy came out of their room after Pam had finished the whole pot of coffee. Bleary-eyes, red-faced, belly sticking out of his undershirt, and morning breath with his kiss.

“Did you just drink a whole pot of coffee?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Anything to eat?”

“No.”

“Come on, let’s go to Peggy Sue’s. Get some pancakes in you.”

Pam knew this Sunday routine, and she liked it. She liked knowing she’d order blueberry pancakes and Roy would get the lumberjack meal, and they’d be together. It was predictable and easy, and it didn’t hurt. 


	3. Part 3

_ She loved him, yeah, she don't want to leave this way _

_ She needs him, yeah, that's why she'll be back again _

_ Can't find a better man _

_ May 12, 2006 _

Pam’s hands were empty. For one minute, he’d held her hands like they were the most precious things in the world. Like they didn’t have another man’s ring on one of their fingers.

But Pam couldn’t forget. She felt the weight of the ring bringing her back into reality from that kiss. Oh, god,  _ that kiss _ . It had been the best kiss she’d ever had.

And it had been the most wrong. She felt it in her gut as Jim had tried to go back in for a second one.

He’d asked if she was still going to marry Roy. And all she could think of was dashed hopes and expectations, broken hearts, lost deposits, the humiliation and shame of calling off her wedding for another guy. 

So she’d nodded. And he’d left.

Pam brought her hands to her face, pressing the fingers to her forehead and the palms down her cheeks. How was she going to go to work every day from now on, with Jim right there? Everything had been ruined.

She’d ruined it.

And now she had to go back home to a fiance who thought that the worst thing to happen that night was losing money.

She waited a few more minutes, not wanting to run into Jim again. Then she collected herself, grabbed her purse, and went down to the parking lot. Some of the warehouse guys tried to talk to her, but Pam told them she was tired and was going home.

Pam hardly remembered what she did next, everything was on autopilot. Getting in her car, starting the car, driving back to her apartment. It was just black road and streetlights, stairs and then the living room, the bedroom.

Roy brushed his teeth in the bathroom, but spit and rinsed off his toothbrush when he saw her. “Didn’t lose too much money, did you?”

He didn’t know. He had no idea that Jim had kissed her. That she kissed him back. The numbness left and Pam felt sick. But she stopped it. It had only been a kiss. And she’d decided to stay with Roy, she chose him. She had made the right decision.

Pam stood in front of her closed and reached back to unzip her dress, but Roy was there in an instant. “Here, let me help with that.”

He only helped her with a zipper when she was unzipping. And even before he unzipped, he started kissing her neck. Pam felt disgusted at him, and then disgusted at herself, and had to shrug him off.

“Not tonight,” Pam said. “I’m just...I’m tired.”

“Of course, if you’d left when I did you probably wouldn’t be so tired,” Roy said and fell down onto his side of the bed, her zipper be damned.

“You’re right, but I didn’t and so now I am.” Pam reached for her own zipper and pulled it down.

“Fine. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so we can do it in the morning.”

Pam pulled on an oversized t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Maybe she would feel up to it in the morning. Get some sleep and put the kiss behind her. She went around and crawled into her side of the bed. Roy switched off the lights, and then it was just Pam, Roy, the whirring ceiling fan, and the overwhelming guilt and sadness.

She imagined for a moment what would have happened if she had let Jim kiss her again. Of that time putting her hands on his chest and feeling the thrum of his heart. She imagined pulling away and saying they had to stop, because she was engaged and she needed to break things off before they went any further. She imagined Jim’s smile and the way she would feel so happy she would explode.

But then she imagined coming home, and instead of going to take off her dress, grabbing a duffle bag and putting some clothes in. She imagined pulling off her ring and telling Roy that it was over. Less than a month until their wedding, and she was going to throw away a nine year relationship for the salesman across from her in the office. They would lose all of those deposits, and have to send out the news to everyone.

She imagined the gossip when people in the office heard. About what they would speculate she and Jim had been doing all along. She imagined Michael asking why she hadn’t chosen him to cheat with, and Angela calling her a whore, and Dwight telling her all of the reasons why Jim would make a terrible mate. She imagined running into Roy at work and the anger that would permeate any future interaction they had. All of the warehouse guys would hate her and Jim. 

She imagined trying to introduce Jim to her parents. How they would always disapprove of him as being a cheater and lowering their daughter to be one as well. How they would always watch him carefully, and always try to convince her to break up with him, because if someone is willing to be unfaithful once, they are always willing to be unfaithful. 

And what would happen between her and Jim? It was just like her mother said to her two years before. Every relationship is imperfect. She and Jim didn’t have to deal with the house stuff, and the family stuff, and the little things that built up. And she’d be back to where she started anyway, but with a trail of destruction behind her.

Pam fell asleep, trying to forget the whole thing.

* * *

_ May 15, 2006 _

On Monday morning, Pam was braced to avoid eye contact with Jim all day and only interact with him when necessary. This sucked. She’d lost her best friend, and that hurt her more than she’d ever realized that it would.

But while Jim’s bag was at his desk, he was not. At first, Pam figured he was getting coffee, but then she saw him in Michael’s office. It wouldn’t have caught her attention much more than to be aware of where Jim was, but Michael was frowning and his eyes were empty. Bad news. What could Jim be telling him?

When Jim came out, Michael came with him, but went up to Pam’s desk.

“I need the party planning committee in the conference room in five minutes,” Michael said, as if he were choking through tears.

“For what?” Pam asked. Her eyes flicked over to Jim and then back to Michael. What had he told their manager?

“A funeral.”

“What?”

“Just go get them, now, please.”

Pam locked her computer screen and went to grab Angela and Phyllis. If things had been normal, she would have asked Jim what he’d done after telling Phyllis Michael wanted them in the conference room. But things weren’t normal, and they wouldn’t be again.

After the three women had settled into their chairs, Michael came in.

“Michael, what is this about a funeral? No one important has died,” Angela said.

“Jim Halpert has taken a job at the Stamford branch,” Michael said. “That is what has died, Angela.”

Pam flicked her eyes up and over Angela’s shoulder toward the back of Jim’s head. Stamford. Jim was moving to Stamford. Although it sounded vain, Pam couldn’t help but think that her rejection on Friday night had something to do with this news. Maybe it had all to do with it.

“No one has died,” Angela insisted. “We’ll throw him a small good-bye party, but we’re not holding a wake because he’s moving branches.”

For once, Pam had to agree with Michael. This did feel like cause for a funeral. As much as she had dreaded working with Jim again after their kiss, she didn’t realize how gutted she would be realizing she wouldn’t be working with Jim again.

“No, Angela, good-byes are not for a party,” Michael said. Then he stopped, thought, and said, “Well, okay, it is a party if Toby leaves. But not if Jim does. There has been a death in the family!”

“Okay, well, I know that Jim likes Boston cream pies,” Pam said, trying to move things along. “Why don’t we get some of those?”

“Oh, I know a bakery that makes great Boston cream pies,” Phyllis said.

“Of course you do,” Angela muttered. Phyllis glared at her.

“Just be sure they can make them by tomorrow,” Michael said.

“What?” Pam asked. “Tomorrow?”

He was leaving, she’d already known that. And she knew that it wouldn’t be so far away that they would have time to become friendly again. But all of the news was happening so fast.

“Yeah, tomorrow is his last day here,” Michael said, struggling to speak again. “He’s taking a few days off to move and then he’ll be in Stamford next week.” 

Michael covered his eyes with a hand and leaned down, groaning. “We need lilies, and I’ll be delivering the eulogy. Does anyone know how to play the bagpipes?”

Angela’s mouth tightened. “Michael, this is not a funeral!”

In the end, Angela and Michael were able to compromise. Boston cream pie, a speech from Michael (though Michael still planned on calling it a eulogy), and black balloons.

When the meeting wrapped up and Pam made her way back to her desk, Jim stood up and approached her with his hands in his pockets.

“So you heard then,” Jim said.

“Yeah, Michael wanted us to plan your funeral,” Pam said. “But instead we’ll be holding a tasteful memorial service.”

He gave a short exhale of a laugh. “That’s Michael for you.”

Their conversation fell flat for a moment. Pam wished everyone was gone so that she could tell him he shouldn’t leave because of her, she didn’t want him to leave. But Pam realized just how unfair that was to ask of him.

“It’s a promotion,” Jim said. “Assistant regional manager.”

“Assistant  _ to the _ regional manager,” Pam said with a smile. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and Pam ached for things to be how they were before. She didn’t want anything to change. She wanted to be engaged to Roy and have Jim ten feet away from her. She already missed her life from last week.

Kevin came over then to talk to Jim about the move and fantasy football and things that didn’t involve Pam.

And that was their last conversation.

* * *

_ June 7, 2006 _

It had been the most miserable three and a half weeks of Pam’s life. The workdays dragged on, after only an hour Pam felt like she should be home, but there were seven more hours to go. She didn’t know who to eat lunch with, Michael seemed more needy than usual, Ryan was sitting in Jim’s spot, and she had a million things to do for the wedding. It somehow managed to be too much time and not enough of it.

She tried, once, to talk to Roy about it, but from his blank stare and canned responses she knew he wasn’t listening to her. He also wasn’t helping with following up with the vendors or putting the favors together, and he almost missed his tux fitting if she hadn’t reminded him of it.

But she had made it through, and her family had come in to help with the final preparations. The first of which was Pam’s final appointment for her wedding dress.

Pam left work early to get to the appointment on time, Penny and Helene meeting her at the shop. When she pulled up, Penny and Helene were already waiting for her in front of the store’s window where mannequins wore the latest bridal designs surrounded by pink curtains.

“There’s the beautiful bride!” Helene said, throwing her arms open to her oldest daughter.

“Hi Mom,” Pam said, hugging her mom tight. A hug had never felt so good to her before.

Helene pulled away. “Pam, you aren’t getting sick are you? You look so tired.”

“I’m not sick, but I am tired,” Pam said. “Come on, let’s make sure the dress is perfect, and then let’s get some drinks.”

“I’m always down for some drinks,” Penny said, coming in to hug Pam as well.

The bridal store had several brides in it already, many coming in for alterations for the June weddings. The workspace for the seamstresses was in the back and the area to try on the dresses was more like a large changing room than the pedestal for trying on dresses for the first time.

“Pam Beesly,” the seamstress pulled a garment bag from a rack. “Here’s your dress if you want to follow me in.”

Helene took a seat in front of the changing room Pam was lead into, crossing her legs and beaming. Penny was practically bouncing in her seat. Pam swallowed as the curtain swished closed.

The seamstress helped fanangle Pam into her dream dress, the one that she had tried on back in January a week after the booze cruise and cried because she couldn’t believe she was finally getting married. 

When the seamstress flung open the curtain to show Helene and Penny, they cried out and gushed over how beautiful Pam was, and how beautiful the dress was, and how everything was just so  _ beautiful _ .

But staring at herself in the mirror, her back to her family, none of it seemed real. Why was she in a wedding dress? Why did she have on satin and lace and a full-length a-line skirt? It didn’t belong on her. It didn’t fit her.

Pam felt tears well up in her eyes and she bit her lip to try and stop them from coming.

“Oh, Pammy, you’re crying!” Helene said, delighted. “I think I have a tissue in my purse.”

Pam shook her head. “It’s not right.”

The seamstress looked nervously up and down at Pam, trying to detect an error in the fit.

“What are you talking about, Pam?” Penny asked.

“It’s just, it’s not right,” Pam said. “Roy and I aren’t right.”

“Honey, that’s just cold feet talking,” Helene said, standing up to go to Pam, but Penny put her hand on her arm.

“What do you mean?” Penny asked.

“I don’t love him,” Pam said. “When I think about spending the rest of my life with him, I get such a sick feeling in my stomach. And I know that he’s handsome, and hard-working, and loyal, but I just can’t love him. I don’t think I’ve actually loved him for a really long time.”

Pam began to sob, hardly able to take in a breath before needing to let it out. Penny jumped up to hold her, while Helene spoke in soft tones with the seamstress about paying for the dress and leaving. With the dress ordered and altered, there was no taking it back. So many things that now Pam couldn’t take back.

“So once you’re done,” Penny said, “Let’s get this dress off, and then let’s go get that drink, okay?”

Pam nodded, sniffing and trying to keep her snot from running down Penny’s shirt. Thankfully, Helene came with that tissue, and the seamstress let the three of them figure out how to take off the wedding dress. Once Pam stepped out of it, she turned her back to it and got dressed while Penny and Helene stuffed it back in the garment bag. She never wanted to see that dress again.

Helene wrapped an arm around Pam as they walked out together. “So are you calling it off?”

“Yes,” Pam said.

“Okay.”

  
  


Penny drove Pam back to her apartment, as Pam was too nervous to drive herself. Helene had the dress in the trunk of her car, and was going back to the hotel to tell William and put together phone numbers to call everyone, and prioritizing them based on when they were planning on travelling. Helene had insisted on skipping the drinks for now. If cancel the wedding they must, they would do so properly, and with the wedding three days away, there was no time for drinks.

They had thought it all through, except for Pam, who didn’t know how she would be telling Roy it was over. What reason would be good enough to call off a wedding three days before it was supposed to happen, but also not hurt him? There wasn’t.

“I’ll wait out here,” Penny said after she parked. She reached out and squeezed Pam’s hand. “You got this.”

Pam braced herself and walked up to their apartment. Roy was sitting on the couch watching a rerun of  _ King of Queens  _ and drinking a beer. He laughed at some joke that had the wife staring daggers at her husband.

“Roy?” Pam said.

“Yeah?”

“We need to talk.”

“Once the commercials come on.”

Pam walked over to the coffee table and grabbed the remote, switching the TV off. “No, we need to talk now.”

Roy leaned forward in his seat. Pam never acted like this. Pam paced a few steps, taking in a deep breath, putting the fingers on her right hand to her engagement ring. She stopped and turned to face Roy, who stared up at her confused.

“Roy, I’m calling off the wedding,” Pam said.

“What?” Roy jumped up and closed the gap between them. “What do you mean you’re calling off the wedding? It’s on Saturday!”

“I’m calling off the wedding because I’m breaking up with you,” Pam said.

“You--you’re breaking up with me?” Roy’s voice was small and quiet, disbelieving. It was far worse than the yelling and shouting she’d been expecting.

“I’m sorry,” Pam said. “I know I should have done this sooner, but I know that we have to do it now, or we’ll regret it. I’ll regret it.”

“But why?” Roy asked. “What happened?”

Pam shrugged. “Nothing big. Just, Roy, you don’t appreciate me. You take me for granted all the time.”

“Like when?” Now his volume rose and he stepped a little closer to her. Pam stepped back to create some distance.

“Valentine’s Day? You didn’t even get me a card or a single flower. You bought a waverunner instead of using that money for our first wedding we had planned and didn’t even talk to me about it. Then you waited another two years before setting a date. You didn’t let me go get my bachelor’s degree because you said I’d be wasting my life.”

“We talked about all of those. You agreed with me.”

Pam shook her head. “No, you told me what I was going to do. You’ve always made the decisions for us. And when was the last time you ever did something for me?”

Roy stood there with his mouth hanging open, then said with a smile, “I changed your car oil!”

“You did that because you hate spending money on someone doing something you can do yourself.”

Roy’s shoulders slumped and he hung his head. Then he launched himself into Pam’s arms, holding on to her. “Give me another chance, Pam. Please. I can change. I can show you.”

Pam embraced him back. This was the first boy she’d ever loved, and their nine years together counted for something. “You will always be important to me. But I can’t marry you.”

Then she pulled away and tugged off the ring she’d been wearing for three years. It felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted from her shoulders as she gave it back to Roy. He breathed raggedly as tears began to course down his ruddy face. 

“I’ll stay with my parents at their hotel for the next couple of days and get an apartment. I’ll call my family and the other guests if you just want to call your family,” Pam said, eyes on their old brown carpet. “I’ll also call all the vendors. We can figure out dividing stuff up later. For now I’m going to pack a bag. So if you want to step out or wait, whatever you want.”

“I’ll just be in the kitchen, then.” Roy said, wiping his face and sniffing.

Pam nodded and they headed to opposite ends of the apartment. Pam grabbed the suitcase she’d been planning to take on their honeymoon and filled it up with clothes, underwear, make-up, deodorant, shampoo, her toothbrush, comb, and all of the little daily things one doesn’t realize is needed until packing up to leave somewhere.

As Pam rolled the suitcase down to the front door, she heard Roy weeping and the break-up stung her once again. She really had made a mess out of everything.

* * *

_ August 17, 2006 _

Penny’s suitcase bounced on the bed as she threw it on her side of the bed. Pam glanced up from her book. Penny would be going back to Philadelphia tomorrow, and Pam would be alone for the first time since she ended her engagement with Roy.

After the cancellation announcements had been sent, the vendors notified, an apartment found, and furniture split, Penny hadn’t gone home for summer vacation with their parents. Instead, she’d stayed with Pam, breaking in the other half of Pam’s new queen mattress, and gradually getting her to come out of her shell. Pam had no idea how she would have kept herself sane the past two months without her, and she wasn’t sure what she would do when her sister left.

“You know, it’s not too late to go out,” Penny said as she started to fold the clothes in the laundry basket beside her. “The night is still young.”

“We’ve been to every bar in Scranton already,” Pam said.

“The funny thing about bars is that you can go back to them once you’ve already been.”

Pam kicked her foot and closed the flap of the suitcase back in on itself. “You know what I mean. I’ve tried it, and it feels weird now.”

Running into friends who had clearly taken Roy’s side in the break-up, guys coming onto her, and still feeling completely lost in what her future was now going to hold if not a marriage to Roy. Okay, that last one wasn’t exclusive to bars, but it definitely didn’t take away that feeling, either.

Penny shook a t-shirt and held it out to fold. “You’re not going to become like, a hermit now are you?”

“You don’t know me at all if you’re asking that question,” Pam said. “Now shush, I’m trying to read.”

Pam put up her book again.  _ Persuasion  _ by Jane Austen.

“Is that for that new nerdy club you started at work?” Penny asked.

“The Finer Things Club,” Pam said, “is classy, not nerdy.”

“Okay, nerd,” Penny said. 

“Hey, this one’s by the same author who wrote  _ Pride and Prejudice _ ,” Pam said. “And I know how much you obsessed over that movie, so maybe you should join our nerd club.”

“Does it feature rain-soaked confessions of love?” Penny asked dramatically, hand to her heart and batting her eyelashes.

“No, it features an old maid who broke off an engagement with the only man she ever loved and is now watching him being fawned over by every lady in existence while he hates her with a passion for breaking his heart,” Pam said. 

“Seriously?”

“I had no idea what I was getting into when Oscar suggested we read Jane Austen.” Pam said. 

Penny tossed a rolled-up pair of jeans into the suitcase. “Does it make you sad at all? About Roy?”

“No, not about Roy.”

“Jim?”

Pam shrugged. In the book, the main character Anne broke off her engagement because her father didn’t approve of the match and wouldn’t give her a dowry if she married the man she loved, Fredrick Wentworth. And after the break-up, Wentworth leaves Anne for years. Pam had broken off her engagement with Roy because of how unhappy she was with him, and she still saw him almost every day. If anything, the book reminded her of Jim. She rejected him because of some worries about what other people would think about it, and right after, he left her.

“It’s got to have a happy ending though,” Pam said. “It’s a romance after all.”

Penny zipped up her suitcase and lugged it back onto the floor. “Well, I’m going to go watch some TV if you’re just going to be reading.”

“Okay,” Pam said.

She might have put down the book and joined Penny, but she couldn’t help but be drawn into the book. She turned a page as Anne overheard Captain Wentworth talking to her rival, and the first gesture of kindness he showed to her after that by helping her into a carriage.

Penny came in to go to sleep, but Pam kept on the light next to her bed as she pressed forward to finish the book. She needed Anne to be with Captain Wentworth. She didn’t know if she’d even be able to sleep before she knew that Anne would get her happy ending.

Then, finally, Anne debated Captain Harwick on which sex would move on from a lost love last, all while Captain Wentworth overheard, and then wrote her the letter:

_ I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.  _

Pam blinked and set down her book for the first time in hours. She got out of bed and tiptoed out of her room, Penny mumbling in her sleep. In the kitchen, Pam booted up her laptop and then went into her work email--just a few emails from Dwight about sales reports to prepare and forwards from Michael--followed by her personal. A check-in from her dad, her cousin Isabelle, and spam.

Pam didn’t know why she thought that maybe something had happened since she’d checked her email earlier that morning. Amidst all of the hurried action to cancel the wedding plans, Pam had quietly taken one of the cancellation announcements and emailed Toby for Jim’s new address in Stamford. Although it was against policy, he had felt sorry for her and given it to her. Pam mailed Jim the official cancellation announcement even though he had RSVP’d a “no.” And she waited. One week, two weeks, then three, then a month passed and he hadn’t reached out to her at all.

Maybe...maybe she should reach out to him.

Pam opened up a new message and began to type in Jim’s email address, then pressed enter when it was the first suggestion.

Subject line...I love you? I’m sorry? Hey there? Pam didn’t know what to put, so she skipped it.

_ Dear Jim, _

No, too formal.

_ Hey Jim, _

Too light-hearted.

_ Jim, _

That one would just have to work.

_ I haven’t heard from you in a while. I wanted to see how you’re doing.  _

Pam grimaced. He was probably doing fine until he saw an email from her. What was she doing? She’d let him know the wedding got called off. She’d written on his envelope herself, so that he knew she’d sent it to him on purpose. He hadn’t reached out for a reason. 

Pam had let some novel written two hundred years before get her worked up into thinking that she could say something to fix what had happened. Maybe if Jim were still in Scranton, but he’d moved hours and hours away from her. What could she say?  _ Please come back _ ?

Pam deleted the draft and went back into her bed, shutting off the light and letting sleep slip her away for a few hours.

* * *

_ November 10, 2006 _

“And the food should be fancy,” Michael said, his feet propped up on his desk. “Because this is a big deal. We want to treat our new co-workers like kings and queens.”

Pam scribbled  _ Fancy food _ onto her notepad. “What do you mean by fancy food? We only have like fifty dollars for this welcome breakfast.”

“Hmmm, make it two hundred.”

“That’s not how it works,” Pam said. “Angela said that from the party planning budget, we can only use fifty dollars.”

Michael groaned and shook his head. “I am always having to pick up the slack around here.”

He took his feet off of his desk and stood up, grabbing his wallet from his back pocket. He opened it up and counted out some bills, then handed it over to Pam as he sat back in his chair. She counted four twenties, two tens, and a five.

“So with that we have one-hundred and fifty-five dollars.”

“I’ll go to an ATM during lunch and get you the rest.”

“Okay, well, what type of fancy food do you want?” Pam asked. “Whatever we get, it probably won’t be enough to feed everyone.”

“Eh, people around here are already fat enough,” Michael said. “Well, except for you, me, Ryan, and Angela.”

“But if there’s food, people will want to eat it.”

“Look, just, it’ll be fine, okay? Just get the fanciest food you can buy for two hundred dollars,” Michael said. “Oooh, how about caviar?”

“That stuff’s like two hundred dollars a jar.”

“Like a peanut butter jar?”

“No, like a baby food jar.”

Michael made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “I hate baby food. I don’t know why they even make it.”

Pam blinked. She didn’t want to know what reason Michael had ever had to eat baby food and remember the taste of it. She also knew it would be pointless to remind him that people made baby food for babies.

“Okay, well, I can probably get some champagne, maybe some kind of fancy cheese plate or smoked salmon or something,” Pam said. “But, um, you haven’t told me how many people are transferring over.”

He moved his mouse to wake up his computer and said, “Hold on, Jan emailed me the list last night.”

Pam swallowed, anticipating growing in her stomach like she was ascending a roller coaster and waiting for the drop.

“Six,” Michael said. “Anthony Gardner, Andrew Bernard, Hannah Smoltridge-Barr, Martin Nash, and Karen Fillipelli.”

“That’s five,” Pam said. “Who’s the last one?”

“Oh, and Jim, but I thought that would be obvious,” Michael said. “He’s missed working here. Told me that I was a better boss than Josh while we were at that convention, so, yeah, I knew he’d come back.”

Pam smiled. Jim was coming back. There’d been rumors, but she hadn’t seen any memo or email from corporate all week about who exactly was going to be transferred.

“Well, I better start putting together the gift bags,” Pam said, standing up. 

“Aren’t you going to stay and see the orientation video I made?” Michael said. Before she could answer, he said, “No, I shouldn’t ruin the surprise. I think it’ll be better if everyone gets to experience it together.”

Pam made her way out before Michael could think of something else to keep her in his office.

As she sat down at her desk to assemble the gift bags (all Michael had given her were pencils and coupons, so it wouldn’t take very long), Pam’s eyes drifted over to Jim’s old desk.

She thought about the kiss again, but this time instead of guilt or regret, she felt anticipation like it was Christmas Eve. Jim would be back. She didn’t know if he would be back at his same desk, but he would be here in Scranton. She thought back to the two-hour conversation they’d had on the phone a few weeks before. After an awkward beginning, it had been like old times, until they were reminded of the distance between them.

But that was gone. Pam knew she’d have to say her piece. Let Jim know she’d been wrong not to break off the engagement earlier, that he was the one she wanted to be with, if he could just forgive her, they could move on and be happy together.

Pam was already thinking about what she would say when Dwight appeared at her desk, holding a folder.

“I’m setting up new safety buddies with all of the new people coming,” Dwight said, looking into his folder. “You are going to be with Stanley.”

“Well Jim’s coming back,” Pam said, dropping a few pencils in one of the bags. “He was my old safety buddy, why not just keep it the same?”

“That was when Michael said everyone could pick their own,” Dwight said. “But that’s too much trouble. People were fighting about it for weeks.”

Pam vaguely remembered that now. It had been easy for her and Jim to naturally pair up and not get caught in the middle of the drama, but some hurt feelings ensued following the buddy system. No one was good enough for Angela, no one wanted Creed, and Dwight insisted he didn't need a buddy, unless it was Michael, while Michael wanted Ryan to be his buddy.

“Okay, but you can switch it now, can’t you?” Pam asked.

“No, I’m pairing people up based on usefulness, location, and who Michael’s favorites are,” Dwight said. “As Jim is absolutely useless, but Michael likes him, he is paired up with Kevin. You’re useful, if replaceable, and Michael likes you, so you are paired up with Stanley. Kelly’s stuck with Toby just due to the annex situation.”

“That’s an awful way to pick safety buddies,” Pam said, blinking up at him in disbelief.

“It’s practical.” Dwight shut his folder. “Remember, in an emergency, Stanley is your buddy.”

He marched away from her and toward accounting, Angela smiling slightly as he approached. Pam shoved the last of the coupons in the bags. It’s not that she didn’t like Stanley well enough, but she was tired of things blocking her from Jim. But then she knew how Jim would want to handle any situation involving Dwight.

Pam pulled up a word document. She went online and found the CIA’s seal and made a header with their seal.

_ Dear Mr. Schrute, _

Pam smiled. This was going to be the best Christmas ever. 

* * *

_ December 8, 2006 _

Two minutes after Karen came back from lunch, Jim walked through the door. He greeted Pam with a small smile and a “hey” as he hung up his coat and scarf and went back to his desk.

Pam was certain they were dating, even though they hadn’t said anything official to the office. But it was clear--small touches, knowing smiles, looks that lingered a little too long. She didn’t talk to anyone else about it, because it was killing her. Jim had come back, but he might as well still be in Stamford. 

At two, Pam went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. The day was dragging on forever.

Kelly came out of the bathroom with red eyes and smudge make-up. “Hey Pam, do you want to go out tonight or something?”

“Oh,” Pam said, surprised. She wished she had something to do already to get out of it. “Um, what were you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that I need to get a super hot guy to fall for me so that Ryan doesn’t act like such a jerk anymore,” Kelly said sniffling. “And you’re single. God, you’re like, my only single friend. All the rest of them are like engaged, or have these boyfriends that are just so in love with them and it’s like alright, I get it. You know? So anyway, they won’t come with me anywhere anymore, so you have to come with me Pam.”

Pam looked back behind her and saw Karen leaning against Jim’s desk and saying something that made him laugh.

“Please Pam. Please, please, please.”

“Um, okay, sure,” Pam said.

Kelly squealed and jumped up and down. “Okay, I’ll come by at seven so we can fix how you look and then we’ll go out to Poor Richard’s.”

“This is a new blouse,” Pam said.

Kelly made a face. “I’ll bring a couple of options over.”

  
  


Kelly had agreed to let Pam wear one of her own sweaters, because it was tight-fitting and, as Kelly put it, “looked sexy teacher and not old maid teacher.”

Poor Richard’s was crowded, and it made Pam get a little tight in her chest. Ever since Penny left in the summer she hadn’t bothered much with going out to bars or anything, and the fact that she was here with Kelly to actually try to meet someone overwhelmed her a little bit.

“Oh my god,” Kelly said, “is that Jim and Karen?”

Pam’s heart began to seize up as she scanned the bar to find them. Sure enough, they were at the bar together. They were laughing about something and Karen put her head on Jim’s shoulder, still shaking with laughter.

“I--I can’t tell,” Pam said.

“It totally is,” Kelly said. “Oh my god, they are all over each other.”

Pam didn’t want to look at the two of them anymore. “Come on, let’s find a table.”

Pam grabbed Kelly’s arm and they weaved through the crowd. Pam wanted to get as far away as possible from where Karen and Jim were kanoodling, as her mom would say.

“God, Pam, chill out,” Kelly said, wriggling her arm to get away. “We need to be cool so guys will approach us.”

“Sorry,” Pam said. “I’m still not used to being single out of high school.”

“Yeah, it was pretty dumb to break off the wedding,” Kelly said.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What? I mean, you could be married by now. Could have had a wedding. You could be pregnant right now! And instead you choose to do this,” Kelly said, waving around the bar. 

“Here,” Kelly said, heading over to a tall table that was meant to lean against, as there were no chairs around. “You have to show off your body in order to get a guy to come to you.”

Kelly carefully arranged how she looked by standing up straight and just ever so slightly leaning against the table. Pam put both forearms on the table. She needed a drink if she was going to get through being in the same place as a date between Jim and Karen was taking place  _ and _ where Kelly was trying to hook up with a guy. She looked around for a waitress, but the place was so busy she couldn’t get one over to her.

“I’m going to go up and get something,” Pam said. “Do you want anything?”

“Ugh, Pam,” Kelly said. “You don’t ever buy your own drinks. You get a guy to do that for you.”

“I’m going to go get a beer.” Pam left the table and headed over to the bar. She realized that by doing so Jim and Karen could possibly notice her, but if they were going to be in the same bar all night, sooner or later they would have to see her. At least she could go to the opposite end of the bar where she wouldn’t have to interact with them.

“A lite beer,” Pam said when she reached the bar. The bartender nodded and pulled out a bottle and popped off the cap for her.

“Is that Pam Beesly?” 

Pam turned around and saw a guy with stringy hair and a patchy beard. She had to squint before she realized with a sinking stomach who it was.

“Richie Burns,” Pam said. This guy had started to like Pam around the same time she and Roy started seeing each other, and he had tried to get her to like him. It had started to get a little extreme before Roy finally scared him off. He was part of the reason why Pam even decided to give Roy a second chance after he left her at that hockey game.

“It is still Beesly right?” Richie said, eyebrows raised, but like he already knew. Like he’d heard that Pam dumped Roy after all of these years and he’d finally have his chance.

“Yes it is,” Pam said.

“So how is Roy?” Richie asked, anticipation in his voice.

“He’s doing good.” Pam grabbed her beer. “Now I have to get back to my friend.”

Pam started to leave, but Richie jumped in the way, cutting her off. “Good? I heard things ended between you two.”

“It was for the best. Now I really--”

“Yeah, you can say that again. He was always an oaf, you know? He didn’t appreciate your artistic side.”

Pam dealt with Michael all day. She knew when a guy was harmless, and when he wasn’t. And Richie was giving off the same vibes she got from him in high school, when his “appreciating her artistic side” meant stealing her art from the classroom wall.

“Oh my god, Pam!”

Pam turned and Karen was beside her, Jim two steps behind. Jim stared down Richie, hands in his pockets.

“How are you? It’s been forever!” Karen grabbed her arm and started pulling her away. “We have got to talk and catch up!”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Pam said. She didn’t realize there would be a situation where she would be grateful to be put in the middle of Karen and Jim’s date, but here she was in the second-worst situation of the night.

Karen walked with Pam to the bar and Jim followed behind them as a type of shield between them and Richie.

“That guy looked like he was pushing his welcome,” Karen said.

“Oh, yeah, we went to high school together,” Pam said. “So I knew to avoid that.”

“Ugh, yeah, every school has one.”

Karen sat back down at her stool, but there was only other one empty one. Pam looked behind her at Jim. She used to be so good at reading his expressions, but now he seemed empty. Was he mad? Concerned? Annoyed at her for even being there?

“Well, thanks for looking out for me,” Pam said. “But I don’t want to interrupt anything.” 

“Oh, okay,” Karen said. “Just let us know if we need to run any more interference.”

Pam hurried away before anything else could make the night even worse. She had to press between people and drops of beer sloshed onto her hand. Finally, she made it to where she and Kelly had been, but Kelly wasn’t there. Pam scanned around until she found Kelly in a booth with a guy and an appletini. 

Pam slid in with them. She didn’t know what else to do.

“Oh, hey Pam,” Kelly said. “This is Mark.”

“Good to meet you,” Mark said.

“You too,” Pam said.

Pam sat back as Kelly and Mark kept on talking and flirting. Mark was in town from Indiana for a conference or something, which Pam thought Kelly would turn down because he’d disappear before making Ryan jealous, but the guy was charming enough that Kelly didn’t seem to mind.

Pam just drank her beer, and then ordered another from a waitress, and then another. She had no way to compete with Kelly in talking and she had no desire to. She did look around the room for someone else--anyone else--that she could talk to, but people seemed to already have their groups put together. Then she would notice Richie and quickly look away, only to find Karen and Jim playing pool, or sitting down at a table and laughing, or dancing near the jukebox.

Pam’s head was woozy and there was a pressure on her bladder.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Pam said to Kelly, who didn’t even acknowledge her.

Pam fumbled her way to the ladies’ room and went into the stall to do her business. Sitting there, she knew she didn’t want to be there anymore. She’d gone for Kelly mostly, who didn’t even need her anymore now that she’d found Mark. After she was done she’d grab her stuff and call a taxi to take her home. 

Pam heard the door open and close again. She waited for the girl to go into the next stall, but she didn’t hear anything else--not even the water running. Probably just checking her make-up.

Then the door opened again and she heard Karen this time. “What are you doing here you creep?”

“Nothing, I was--” That was Richie’s voice. Pam went cold.

“Yeah, I think I know what you were doing. Now get out.”

Squeaking shoes noises, shuffling, and the door banging against the wall before it went quiet again.

“Pam?” Karen asked.

Pam got herself put together and flushed. God, this was all so embarrassing. She slid over the lock and stepped back into the sink area of the restroom.

“Are you okay?” Karen asked.

Pam turned to the sink. She was drunk, but she knew she had to put herself together to go home and get out of this whole crazy night. Wash hands. That was the next step. She held her hands under the spout, but nothing happened.

Karen stepped over and flipped up the handle to make the water run.

“Thanks,” Pam muttered, pumping the soap from the dispenser.

“Look, Jim’s taking care of that guy, so when you leave he won’t be in the bar anymore,” Karen said. “And you can hang out with us if you need.”

“No, I’m going home,” Pam slurred, rinsing off her hands. “I don’t like tonight.”

Karen gave a nervous laugh. “No, I wouldn’t if I were you, either. Man, it’s a good thing Jim noticed that creep following you to the bathroom.”

Pam went to get a paper towel and Karen shut off the water. When Pam turned back around from drying her hands she had to look Karen in the eye. And the thing that killed Pam the most was that she could see why Jim liked her. Not why Jim was attracted to her, they way he’d been with the hot purse girl, but why he  _ liked  _ her. She was kind, and smart, and funny, and brave, and pretty. She could understand Jim falling in love with Karen. Of being over her forever because he’d found someone great.

“I get it,” Pam said sadly.

“What?”

“You.”

“You get...me?” Karen shook her head and smiled. 

Pam sighed. “I wanna go home.”

“Okay. Let’s get you home.”

Karen wrapped her arm around Pam and led her out of the bathroom. But Pam wriggled out of the hold and made her way herself to the table where Kelly and Mark made out, oblivious to what was going on around them. Pam wrestled her coat on and grabbed her purse. 

When she turned, there were Jim and Karen.

“Hey, let us give you a ride home,” Jim said. His voice was concerned and even somewhat gruff. Jim never sounded that way.

“No. I’m calling a taxi.”

“They’ll overcharge you,” Karen said.

Pam shook her head and flipped open her phone. The thing was, she never called a taxi. She was usually sober enough to drive herself. And she definitely didn’t usually come with Kelly, who drove them here.

Jim sighed and grabbed her phone and dialed a number. “Yes, we need a taxi at Poor Richard’s. Next one your have...Pam Beesly...to, uh, Pam, where you do live again?”

Pam almost gave her old address, the apartment she had with Roy, but she caught herself and gave the new address to where she live completely alone.

Jim gave the address to the taxi company and finished up the conversation. He closed the phone and handed it back to Pam. “Someone will be here in five minutes.”

“Thanks. I guess I didn’t have a good enough dinner,” Pam said, rubbing her forehead. She looked around the bar. “Is he gone?”

“Yeah. I told the staff what happened and they kicked him out,” Jim said. “I saw him get in a car and leave.”

“Thank you.” Pam managed to look Jim in the eyes for the first time. 

“Of course.”

They waited until a taxi pulled up outside, and Karen walked out with Pam to the taxi.

“Kelly knows about you and Jim,” Pam said. “So basically, everyone in the office is going to know that the two of you are together.”

Karen smiled. “Well, I don’t mind so much. He’s a really great guy.”

“Yeah, he is,” Pam said.

She opened the door and managed to get all of herself inside. Never again would she go drinking with Kelly Kapoor.

* * *

_ January 31, 2007 _

_ Drip. _

_ Splash. _

_ Sploosh. _

The sound stirred Pam out of her sleep. She glanced over at her alarm clock. 1:17 stared back at her in red numbers.

_ Drip. _

_ Drip. _

_ Sploosh. _

Pam rubbed her eyes and turned on the light by her bedside. What the hell was making that noise?

She picked up her glasses from the bedside table and looked up and to the right, where water was coming down from her ceiling. There had been a yellow water stain there for a few weeks, but Pam had thought it was just from the apartment being old. Now water was dripping from her ceiling.

Dammit.

Pam got out of bed and went to her bathroom sink, toilet, and kitchen sink to turn off their individual valves, then turned on the faucets to empty out any water left in them. She wasn’t sure where the main water valve was, but as she was in an apartment she assumed it was for at least several units and hidden away somewhere. 

With her apartment on the top floor, she assumed shutting off her water would be enough, although technically the shower’s pressure was still on.

Pam opened her phone to call her landlady, but Margaret didn’t pick up, and Pam remembered the email she’d sent the tenants that she would be out of town for her niece’s wedding that week anyway.

She thought about calling her dad, but it was the middle of the night and being so far away, he wouldn’t be able to come help her anyway.

Pam thought of Jim next, but pushed that away just as quickly. He’d been especially distant lately, and she could just imagine hearing Karen’s sleepy voice on the other end and getting punched in the stomach with the reminder of how things turned out so far from what she had hoped for.

She scrolled to the number she hadn’t called in months and pressed send. It rang four times, and Pam thought it would send her to voicemail, when someone picked up.

“Pam?” Roy’s voice sounded groggy and rough. “What’s going on?”

“I think a pipe burst in my apartment,” she said. “And the landlady is out of town, and all the stores are closed. I shut off the water and emptied the faucets, but I don’t know what to do next.”

“Hold on, I’ll be right over.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

Pam bit her lip and held her phone to her chest. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to call her ex-fiance over in the middle of the night, but she didn’t know who else to call.

She got some extra towels and cleaned up the wet spot on the carpet. By the time most of the water got soaked up and she'd set up a fan to blow on it, there was a knock at her door. Pam went to open it, and there was Roy in a pair of sweats and a snowcoat holding a toolbox.

“Hey,” Roy said. “Where’s the burst pipe?”

“In the bedroom,” Pam said.

Roy stamped the snow off of his boots and then came inside. Pam led him into her bedroom, a mess of thrown-back covers and wet towels. Roy walked over the pile of sopping towels and stood underneath the water stain.

“Oh. There  _ is _ a burst pipe in here.”

“Yeah, that’s why I called.”

And then Pam blushed. Roy thought this was a booty call. She had to admit, calling him in the middle of the night and then the pipe having burst in her bedroom certainly made it seem like she was actually having issues with another kind of piping altogether.

“I’ll have to cut a hole in the ceiling,” Roy said, putting down his toolbox and taking off his coat. “I’m not great at plumbing, so I’ll just wrap some tape around it. You’ll be able to turn on the water when you need to use it until a plumber can get in here and actually fix it.”

“Okay,” Pam said. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Pam grabbed the towels she had used and wrung them out in the bathtub, then hung them over the rod to dry. She peeked into her bedroom and Roy was still working, his hand in a hole in her ceiling, so she went into the kitchen and began to heat some milk for hot cocoa.

By the time the drinks were finished, Roy came out of the bedroom with his jacket in one arm and his toolbox in another.

“Well, everything should be good until a plumber can get out here,” Roy said, putting his stuff on the floor.

“Thank you again,” Pam said, handing him one of the mugs. “I know it’s a really inconvenient time to be called by your ex to fix a pipe.”

Roy blew on the cocoa and took a sip. “Hey, you know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

“Yeah. I guess that’s why I called you.”

“I’m a hard habit to kick,” Roy said.

Pam was finding that out. She still needed him when she was in trouble, and he was still willing to come. But he looked at her expectantly over his steaming cup of hot chocolate, like a dog waiting for its reward. Pam bit her lip. She couldn't just be his reward, like some kind of cheap way of getting someone to behave the right way.

But still, he had come for her. And that did feel better than Pam would have ever admitted to anyone.

* * *

_ February 11, 2007 _

Pam woke up and wondered for a moment if she’d gone back in time. She faced a curtained window with morning light trying to poke through, in the bed she’d had with Roy, and Roy sleeping beside her.

Pam leaned back down into the pillow--that, at least, she knew was different--and retraced last night.

Phyllis’s wedding, which looked nearly identical to the one she’d planned with Roy. From the invitations to the flowers, even to the dress, it was like some weird dream where she was watching her own wedding but not participating in it. Seeing all of the celebration and joy that could have been in her life, but now held absolutely nothing.

Watching Jim come with, sit next to, get drinks for, and dance with Karen. Karen, who he had been dating for four months now, and showed no signs of breaking up with. Pam couldn’t honestly give him a reason why he even should. She was smart, and funny, and pretty, and ambitious. Pam knew she couldn’t even compare to Karen. 

And meanwhile, there was Roy, paying attention to her like he’d never done when they were together. Remembering prom, paying Kevin’s band to play their song, telling her that he had wanted to marry her. She’d doubted it for so long that it wasn’t until he said it, surrounded by the same centerpieces and china she’d planned for their own wedding, that she thought maybe he’d meant it.

She’d left with him. They’d come back to the apartment they’d once shared and he’d kissed her so tenderly she thought she would cry. She missed this, being close with someone, being held, being loved. She’d gotten caught up in it all and before she knew it they were back in bed and he was telling her that he loved her.

Now in the morning, with the champagne worn off and the light showing her the same place she’d been in eight months before, and she didn’t know if she’d made the right choice.

Pam got up and started to put her underwear back on. As she fumbled with getting the clasp on her bra to close, Roy shifted around in bed.

“There’s still some of your old pajamas in the bottom drawer,” Roy said.

“No, thanks, I should be going,” Pam said. She picked up her brown satin dress from where Roy had taken it off the night before.

“Pam, wait,” Roy said, jumping out of bed. Thankfully he had his boxers on. “You’re not going are you?”

Pam sighed. “I think this was a mistake.”

“No, no, no, no, it wasn’t a mistake.” Roy gathered Pam’s hands in his own, tossing her dress back onto the floor. “I thought that...you know, maybe you could move back in, and we can--”

“No, I left for a reason,” Pam said. “I can’t just go back.”

She turned to let go of his hands, but Roy gripped them tighter and pulled her closer into him.

“You did,” Roy said. “I know you left and I know why. But I’m not going to act like that guy anymore.”

Pam looked up into Roy’s eager, hopeful blue eyes. She thought back on the last nine months. Creepy guys, boring guys, interesting guys who never called her back, her heart breaking over and over again because of Jim. She was tired. She didn’t want to swim in the dating pool anymore, and she was so scared of being alone.

“I need things to be different,” Pam said.

Roy nodded earnestly. “Of course. Anything. Anything you want me to change. I’ll dye my hair if you ask me to.”

Pam laughed, but needed to keep the conversation on track. “First, I’m not going to move back in. I need my own space still, as we figure this out.”

“Okay.”

“And I need you to listen to me. Ask me for my input, and just pay attention to what I’m doing and feeling.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“You better be sure, because I’m not putting up with anything this time.”

“I promise. I am going to be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for.”

Pam stretched up and kissed Roy. He wrapped her up in his arms, and everything felt safe again.

* * *

_ May 17, 2007 _

_ No, I said collate, dammit, _ Pam thought as she picked up Karen and Jim’s sales report from the copier. The dumb machine hadn’t collated, and now Pam had to spend her time putting each copy in order.

She sat down at her desk to put all of the papers in the right order as Jan came out of Michael’s office with a low-cut white sweater clearly showing off new breast implants.

“Oh my god,” Pam said when she saw them.

Jim turned around, catching her eye. It was as if the past year hadn’t happened, and Pam immediately put her hands out in front of her chest and mouthed, “Huge!”

“Yeah, bigger actually,” Jim said.

Karen appeared and crossed over to Jim, taking his attention back away from Pam. 

Pam lowered her head back down and focused on fixing the copier’s collating mistake. She wouldn’t take back what she said at the beach, because even if nothing changed from it, at least she wasn’t holding it in anymore. At least once in her life she’d had a bit of courage.

But Pam knew now that any hope or possibility of she and Jim getting together was down to zero. He and Karen were still together. Either one of them could get the job at corporate, and decide to move to New York together. Or someone else could get the job, and they would keep working here together.

Pam put each of copy of the sales report in separate folders, creating a stack for Karen and a stack for Jim. 

Then she noticed her memo pad, where she took down messages for people (mainly Michael) who for one reason or another didn’t take a call. 

Pam grabbed the memo pad and pulled out a sharpie. In the  _ To  _ line she wrote  _ Jim _ , and then wrote down that, amid the rejection and bad timing, what she wanted him to take away: 

_ Don’t forget us when you’re famous! :)  _

_ -Pam _

Not exactly Wentworth’s letter, but Pam had certainly embarrassed herself enough. And she did hope that whatever happened, they could still be friends. It had sucked losing that this past year. 

And to remind him of those days, Pam went into the breakroom and ate her yogurt early, saving and rinsing off the lid. At her desk she made a quick paper clip chain, and slipped it with the note into Jim’s sales folder. She put it at the top, figuring he’d check that one to make sure the sales reports were in order.

“Hey,” Pam said, coming up next to him. “Karen had me make these for you.”

Jim looked up from his computer and gave her a smile. “Thanks.”

He took the sales report and turned back to his computer.

Pam gave the rest of the folders to Karen and went back to her desk. And a few minutes later, Jim was out the door with Karen, moving further from her than he’d ever been before.

But she would be okay. Jim was one guy in a world with billions of them. And despite the ache that still lingered, she couldn’t regret what happened anymore. She’d learned not to be so cautious again, or accept being treated less than she deserved. And next time, when she met that guy that made her laugh and listened to her and gave her those butterflies, she wouldn’t hesitate again.


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! For those of you reading in real time, thanks for your patience! I hope it was worth the wait! :)  
> 

_ Memories back when she was bold and strong _

_ And waiting for the world to come along _

_ Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone _

_ May 18, 2007 _

_ Date. _

Jim had called their dinner a date.

He’d left as quickly as he’d come in, and she didn’t know the full story. But Pam knew he wasn’t supposed to be back at the office until Monday. She also knew that he’d never ask her on a date while he was still dating Karen.

At some point between two-thirty yesterday and walking through that conference room door, Jim had become single. And he’d asked Pam out on a date.

Pam stared at the sticky note Jim had left at her desk after he’d asked her to go to dinner and then proclaimed it a date.

_ Pick you up at 7. _

She smiled, pulling the sticky note off the laminate desktop and placing it on her finger instead, her face bright.

“Night Pam,” Kevin said as he walked out the door, giving her a squinted look.

“Oh, night,” she responded, putting the note to her chest so no one saw it, and then slipping it into her coat pocket.

She grabbed her purse and walked out the door. She had a date to get ready for.

  
  


Pam had just walked through the door to her apartment when her cell phone began to ring. She dug it out of her purse and saw that it was him on the other line.

“Jim?”

“Hey Pam,” he said, sounding a little relieved. “Are you outside of the office?”

“I just got home,” she said, hanging up her purse and then settling onto her couch. “So it’s just me.”

“Yeah, sorry about being vague earlier,” Jim said. “But I didn’t want people to overhear, and I just, I couldn’t wait to see you.”

“Oh? Did something happen in New York?” Pam’s voice edged with curiosity that tried to mask as innocence. She doubted it was working.

“Yeah, I, uh, I broke up with Karen.”

Since she was alone in her apartment, Pam couldn’t help but grin, although she felt bad. Karen was a great person, and the fact she and Jim worked together couldn’t make the breakup easy. It had been hard enough for her with Roy in the warehouse. Still, she’d held back for so many months so as to not step into Karen’s territory, and now she didn’t have to hesitate or be unhappy.

“Oh?” Pam said, prompting him.

“I realized that I...look, even if the answer is the same as last year, even if you just want to be friends, it wasn’t fair to Karen for me to keep on dating her when I’m clearly still in love with you.”

_ In love.  _ He dropped those same words to her last year and they’d frightened her. Now she wanted to hear him say it again and again.

“It isn’t...the same as last year,” Pam responded.

Jim gave a relieved laugh. “I was hoping it wouldn’t be.”

They sat in a moment of happy silence together.

“So, I’ll pick you up at seven then,” Jim said.

“Perfect.”

“Bye, Pam.”

“Bye.”

After shutting her phone closed and smiling to herself like a dope, Pam went into her bathroom to start getting ready.

She crouched down and opened the cabinet under her bathroom sink. Last year, Penny had gotten her a curling iron for her birthday. Penny had taught her how to use it, and Pam had made an effort for her bridal shower and casino night, but hadn’t used it other than those two times. She’d told herself it was more practical not to bother with doing her hair every day and that it didn’t matter how she looked. 

Pulling out the iron and heating it up, she realized that it hadn’t mattered to her how she’d looked because she’d never wanted anyone to look at her before. Roy had a way of making a snarky comment whenever she’d tried, and Michael harassed her even in her subdued work clothes. But tonight she  _ wanted  _ to be seen. Though clearly Jim was fine with the way she looked already, she wanted him to gasp a little when he saw her.

Inexperienced with the curling iron, Pam struggled with the first sections she curled, but in the end, she liked the result of the smooth, slightly larger curls. She freshened up her make-up, re-curling her lashes and adding a little blush and tinted lip balm. Her make-up collection was pretty dismal. She would have to work on that.

In her room, she opened up her closet. While most of her closet was filled with cardigans and button-downs for work, a small section in the back was reserved for the “date” clothes Kelly had gotten her to buy all those months ago. She flipped through the three tops she’d picked out. Kelly had continued to email her links to other tops she thought were cute, but Pam had joked that she would worry about getting more if she ever went on more than three dates with the same guy. 

Make-up, clothes. She would have to ask Michael for a raise.

Pam put on her blue date top and dark-wash jeans. She fidgeted with straightening her shirt and arranging her hair just right, deciding between a black ballet flat or a kitten heel. 

When she was satisfied with her appearance, she turned to look at the state of her bedroom. While she kept her bathroom and kitchen pretty clean, her bedroom had a way of getting messy. Her laundry basket was filled with clean clothes she was too tired to put on their hangers. Her art desk was a chaos that she understood, but would be impossible for anyone else to navigate. Her dresser was littered with random trinkets. She never made her bed. The nightstand was filled with books, magazines, and journals.

She couldn’t let Jim see it like this.

Pam stopped for a moment. It was their first date, and she was already picturing Jim in her bedroom tonight. Heat flushed to the surface of her skin and her core tugged toward the rumpled sheets. 

When she’d gone on her first date with Danny Cordray, Kelly asked her about what happened after the doorstep. Pam hadn’t considered asking him inside after their first date, or even their second, and told her nothing happened. 

“You have to wait at least three dates, right?” Pam asked. “Otherwise, that’s pretty slutty.”

Kelly scoffed. “Um, for a guy like Danny Cordray? It’s totally worth it to be a slut.”

Pam couldn’t have said she agreed with that, and had been set in her convictions as she’d gone on a few dates here and there. No man was going to get through her door without a third date.

Jim was on date number one. She thought back to what Kelly had told her and started to straighten up her room. 

For a guy like Jim Halpert? Totally worth it to be a slut.

As Pam finished with the pile of clothes, she at least was able to hang everything up before there was a knock on the door. Pam smoothed down her shirt and went to answer it. Even though it was seven, exactly seven, like he couldn’t wait a minute more, and she knew he was coming, it was still a thrilling surprise to see him standing there with his new haircut and blue sweater and smile.

“Hi,” Pam said.

“Wow...you look beautiful,” Jim said.

Pam glanced down and back up. “Thanks.”

“Well, should we go?” Jim stepped to the side and gestured out to the hall.

“Definitely.”

Pam picked up her purse and locked the door and joined Jim on the walk down the stairs and out to the parking lot. 

“So where were you thinking of going?” Pam asked.

“I was thinking about going to Peggy Sue’s,” Jim said, looking over at her for a reaction.

Pam was speechless for a moment as they approached Jim’s car. She paused at the passenger’s side door, while he waited next to her. 

“You remember?” she asked, amazed. “That was four years ago.”

“Of course I remember where our almost-first date was,” Jim said. “I figured we needed to do a re-do of that and get it right this time.”

Pam shook her head, unable to stop smiling. “I just…”

She couldn’t find the words to express how she felt, and so she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Jim’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. She knew it was against normal first date etiquette to start making out before even getting in the car, but what was normal about going on a first date with someone you had been in love with for years?

Jim’s lips were warm and soft, his hands firm as they held her at the waist. Pam’s hands slid up into his hair and was slightly disappointed that he’d cut it short on the sides. It had been so nice the last time.

When they pulled away, Jim laughed breathlessly. “Wow, if that’s what I get for telling you the name of the restaurant, I’m excited for what happens after dessert.”

Pam gave him a playful knock on the shoulder, cheeks flushed pink. They untangled themselves and Jim opened the car door for her.

When Jim got into his seat and after pulling out of his spot, he said, “I noticed Michael’s office had been painted black. What exactly did Dwight do today?”

Pam told him all about the day at the office, of being Dwight’s number two, and Schrute bucks, and the soil presentation. Jim added his comments and reactions, completely engaged in what Pam talked about. 

The conversation turned as they pulled into Peggy Sue’s and went up to Norma to be seated. In true diner fashion, their dinner crowd was significantly less than the breakfast crowd, and when Norma saw the two of them holding hands, she led the two of them to a circular booth in the corner.

“I’ve told you everything about Dwight,” Pam said after they’d slid in the booth. Jim’s arm ran along the top of the seats, and Pam was more than happy to fit close to him, her hand on his knee. “But how was New York?”

“Um, well, I’m pretty sure that Jan is having an affair with her very young assistant,” Jim said.

“Obviously.”

“Obviously? What do you mean obviously? You’ve never even been up to corporate.”

“The receptionist connection,” Pam said. “Believe me, all of the receptionists in this company know everything that’s going on in all of the offices. And Hunter and Jan are  _ the  _ favorite topic of conversation.”

“What else do you know that the rest of us don’t?”

Pam shook her head. She wanted to know what happened in New York. She wasn’t sure if Jim bombed the interview or they told him they would be going in a different direction, or if maybe he’d be packing up to New York if they offered him the job.

“That is privileged information between the receptionists,” Pam said.

The waitress came up then and took their drink orders. Once she walked away, Pam pressed, ”How was your interview?”

“It was going okay. You know, David and I get along so that was definitely a plus,” Jim said. His free hand took hers, his thumb running across her knuckles. “But I ended up withdrawing my name from consideration.”

“What? Why?” Pam’s heart pounded harder. She hadn’t thought Jim would be the one who pulled out of the job.

Jim looked back up. “Someone left me a note, and a medal. And I knew I couldn’t leave Scranton. Not again.”

Pam couldn’t believe her little note of encouragement had led them to where they were now. To Jim giving up the possibility of the job in New York. It was such a rare and incredible opportunity to not only have that spot open up, but to be asked to interview for the position.

The waitress came back with the drinks, and asked what they wanted. Reluctantly, they rattled off their order, with Pam getting the chicken pot pie and Jim picking out the reuben sandwich and fries.

“I never knew that yogurt lids and paperclips meant so much to you,” Pam teased. “I would have bribed you with that a long time ago if I’d known.”

“I’m very easy to please,” Jim said. 

“Birthdays and holidays are going to be so simple now.” Another thing Pam wouldn’t have ever caught herself saying on the first date with anyone else. But she could already feel it. This was going to be her last first date.

“Now don’t spring anything too expensive on me like push pins or sour cream lids,” Jim said. 

“I think you’re worth it.”

He kissed her once then, softly, and sending a current of electricity into her. Pam wondered if she’d ever get used to him kissing her or if she’d turn into a pile of mashed potatoes each time.

“I know that you really like this place,” Jim said. “But you never told me why.”

“We came here all the time growing up,” Pam said. “Sunday breakfast. I think it was sort of my parent’s treat to us after getting to church so early. But I think what really makes it special is that my parents had their first date here.”

“Really?” Jim raised his eyebrows. “That sounds like some good luck.”

“Well, what really makes it special is that at the time, there was another diner over in Dickson City called Sue’s,” Pam said. “My parents had been set up on a blind date, and their friend told my mom Peggy Sue’s, but my dad just heard Sue’s. So they’re both waiting at the diner they thought it was at, and both of them thought they were being stood up. My dad calls his friend, who told him the mistake. So my dad had to rush over here and as he pulled in my mom was leaving the restaurant, super mad at being embarrassed in front of the wait staff and other customers. But after my mom told him off for being inconsiderate, my dad explained himself and said that he’d promise to make up for it and buy her anything from Peggy Sue’s at any time. Even though back then the guy always paid for everything, and then they got married, my mom would always tell my dad that he still had to keep that end of his promise.”

“Well, let’s hope we keep the streak going,” Jim said.

  
  


As they came back up the stairs to Pam’s front door, the anticipation grew inside of her so much it was an aching. They’d easily and without thought ended up holding hands and lacing their fingers together. At the door, Jim hesitated. It was an unusual first date, certainly, one that Pam hadn’t ever experienced before.

“Thanks so much for tonight,” Pam said. 

“Long overdue,” Jim said.

Then he leaned in and kissed her, deeper and heavier than they’d done before, but somehow still sweet. He was clearly communicating what he wanted, and leaving it up to Pam whether she wanted to reciprocate. Which, clearly, she did. Still, she couldn’t resist a bit of teasing.

She pulled back a little, catching her breath, and saying, “You know, I don’t usually let a guy into my apartment until the third date.”

He caught her tone and said, “Well, let’s make it our third date then.”

“How would that work?”

Jim kissed her collarbone, “First date: the day I started at Dunder Mifflin and we went to Peggy Sue’s.” He kissed her neck. “Second date: grilled cheese on the rooftop.” He kissed her jaw. “And third date was tonight.”

He kissed her on the mouth again, and when his tongue met her lips and she let him in, Pam didn’t want to take the teasing any farther. First date, third date, she needed him in her bed.

She pulled away again and said, “Let me get my key.”

He nuzzled at her neck, right under her ear, while she fumbled to dig her keys out of her purse and then to open the door. Once the door swung open, she moved to put their lips together again and pulled him inside.

“So this is your place,” Jim said, pulling away to look around. “Am I going to get a tour?”

She locked the door again, threw her purse and coat to the ground and said, “Yeah, let’s start with the bedroom.”

  
  


Pam had made it on shaky legs to the bathroom to pee. 

Holy. Hell.

She’d never really had any reason to complain about Roy’s performance, so long as he was sober, at least after the initial bumpy start that all people go through when first exploring sex. It had been good--obviously she wouldn’t have stayed with him for ten years if it were  _ bad _ . Now she realized she’d been accepting Ramada when she could have been at the Ritz.

And it had been more than the physical sensations, as deep and blissful as they had been. It was something about him just being inside of her, of looking into his eyes, of their shared breathing. She couldn’t think of another moment in her life like that.

When she finished in the bathroom, she saw an empty bed and for a moment had a bit of a panic, until she turned her head and saw Jim looking at the art on her desk.

He shifted slightly as she approached.

“Is it okay if I look at these?”

“Uh-huh,” Pam nodded, feeling a little nervous. This was her art space, where she believed no one would see her work. After Gil’s comment, she’d started to try and be a little more honest with her work. But what Pam saw in life, she still didn’t know if it reached that level to be above “motel art.”

Jim sat down in the desk chair and opened up a sketchbook, looking over the art before turning the page. 

“These are really good,” Jim said.

“They’re just sketches.”

“That doesn’t stop them from being really good,” Jim said. “Wait...is that Dwight’s bobblehead?”

Pam came around and sat on his lap, peering at the picture she already knew he was talking about. “Yeah. I always feel like it’s staring at me. I thought this might get the creepiness of it staring at me and bobbling its head to go away.”

“Did it work?”

“Definitely not.”

Jim laughed and continued to flip through her sketchbook. Her fingers found their way into his hair and scratched his scalp. She never wanted to move again. But when Jim turned his head and started kissing her, she realized that now she didn’t have to grasp at small moments with him anymore, or hold back anything. She didn’t have to linger in any one moment too long, because now he was always going to be there, in each moment from now on.

* * *

_ May 21, 2007 _

The bubble Jim and Pam had been in all weekend burst the moment they had to take separate cars into the office the next morning.

Pam went in first. As the receptionist, she had a strict 8 o’clock start time. Karen was already at her desk, typing away furiously. 

“Good morning,” Pam said to her, voice slightly squeaky.

Karen glanced up at her but didn’t say anything, just turned back to her monitor and kept clicking away. One by one the office filtered in for the day. Pam greeted them as she always did, receiving various responses back depending on the person.

Then Jim came in, and warmth began to spread through Pam, starting from her lower stomach. 

“Hey,” he said to her as he walked over to his desk.

“Good morning,” she said in response.

They had agreed to keep everything under wraps. Not only would it be hurtful to Karen, the office gossip and reaction would definitely make their lives more difficult. Pam had thought it would be easy, since they’d had to cover their feelings for each other for so long, but when she noticed Karen staring at the two of them with narrowed eyes, she didn’t know how to react. No one else would scrutinize every interaction between her and Jim, but it was like Karen knew everything they’d done that weekend just through their short exchange.

Pam went about her day, trying to minimize the contact she had with Jim and Karen. Then around eleven, Jim got up to use the bathroom. A moment later Karen got up and went in the kitchen. Pam wanted to text Jim to warn him, but he’d left his cell on his desk.

Pam had to watch, along with the rest of the office, as Jim exited the bathroom to a confrontational Karen, arms crossed, and began speaking to him. Jim opened his mouth to respond, but then Karen’s voice got increasingly louder until she was practically yelling at him, her arms flailing free to make her point even more.

Then with one final jab of her finger, Karen pushed the door and sat back down at her desk, working just as furiously as she had done before.

Jim went back into the annex and didn’t come back for another twenty minutes. The whole time Pam wanted to get up and check on him, but it would be far from subtle for her to make her way back there to him.

At lunch, it was all anybody could talk about. Both Karen and Jim had--separately--left the office for lunch. Again, Pam knew she couldn’t follow Jim out. They’d sent some IMs about it and agreed with everything going on, she should stay and act like everything was normal.

“What do you think happened?” Phyllis asked.

“I think we know what happened,” Angela said with a pointed look toward Pam. She decided to ignore the accountant instead of making a big deal out of it.

“Do you know anything Pam?” Phyllis pressed anyway.

Pam shook her head. “No, not yet.”

“Wait, Jim didn’t break up with Karen for you?” Kevin asked.

“Uh, no,” Pam said. “I don’t know why they broke up.”

She didn’t like this part of the process. It had happened when she broke off her engagement with Roy, all of the speculation of why, what happened and who was to blame. Only Jim had been gone for over a month and there had been no chance of him coming back to Scranton at the time, so that hadn’t factored in people’s speculations.

“Karen is taller and makes more money than Pam,” Dwight said, his mouth full of a beet salad, opening and shutting his mouth like Pacman as he ate. 

Pam’s jaw set. “What does that mean Dwight?”

“It means it’s unlikely Jim broke up with Karen to date you.”

She almost let the secret out that yes, in fact Jim did break up with Karen so the two of them could be together. For some reason, Jim had chosen her. But she swallowed the words she wanted to say.

“Dwight, that’s rude.” Phyllis frowned.

Dwight looked incredulous. “Come on, it’s an observable fact. I thought you were trying to find out why the two of them broke up.”

“Well, I guess Dwight is right,” Pam said, not faking the misery. “Because I didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  
  
  


That night Jim went over to Karen’s to return her stuff he had at his place and pick up his own items. As Pam ate dinner alone, Dwight’s comments from lunch that day rubbed into her brain.

_ It’s unlikely Jim broke up with Karen to date you. _

Pam told herself whenever this thought intruded that it wasn't true. Jim had told her straight out he broke up with Karen because he was still in love with her. Would she really listen to Dwight over Jim?

Beyond Jim confirming he’d broken up with Karen, though, and discussing how to handle their relationship in the office, they hadn’t mentioned his ex-girlfriend a whole lot. Pam could tell Jim felt guilty about the way the whole thing had been handled, so she hadn’t pressed him on their relationship. She figured it would come in time.

But there had to be something else. He couldn’t have broken up with Karen just for her. Karen was confident, smart, funny, beautiful. It gnawed on Pam to realize Jim must have had some other reason to break up with Karen, and she wanted to know what it was.

Jim came over to her apartment at seven as Pam was watching Wheel of Fortune. He hadn’t bothered knocking as he came in. 

“Hey,” Pam said as he sat down next to her, then laid down to put his head in her lap. She turned down the volume as a contestant guessed the letter  _ T _ . “Rough day, huh?”

“Not my best,” Jim said. “But as long as I get to end it with you, it’s definitely still in the top ten.”

Pam smiled. Dwight was an idiot. 

* * *

_ September 3, 2007 _

The Halperts knew how to throw a party. When it came to big family shindigs, they’d reserve a pavilion at a park, set up a spread of hot dogs, hamburgers, sides, and desserts, and spend the afternoon throwing the frisbee and playing cornhole.

Jim had gotten into a water gun fight with his niece and nephews while Pam kept an eye out for her parents. Her mom had texted a couple times about where the park was that they were supposed to show up at. It would be the first time Jim’s and Pam’s parents would meet each other, and felt like one of the most important steps they’d taken so far. Her parents had both been disappointed when she broke off the engagement with Roy, and although they hadn’t disapproved of Jim, it still felt like they were waiting for all of the pieces to come into place before forming their lasting opinion. 

Pam smiled as she watched Jim dodge his niece’s attack while his nephew sprayed him. All of the kids loved their Uncle Jim, each one wanting him to pay attention to them, which meant they all ganged up on him.

Jim’s sister-in-law, Melissa, waddled over to Pam. At seven months pregnant, Melissa’s ankles were swollen in her sandals and sweat shone over every surface of skin out in the open.

“Little tip for when you’re ready to have a baby,” Melissa said, “don’t be pregnant during the summer. The heat is killer.”

Pam blushed. “We’re a long way off from having a baby.”

Melissa smiled. “ _ We _ ?”

“I mean, me, I am,” she said hurriedly. “ _ I  _ am a long way off from having a baby.”

She and Jim had only been dating for a little over three months. But seeing him with his niece and nephews today made the thought lodge in her mind about having a family with Jim. Of how right it felt. Not like when she was with Roy, and the thought of having him as the father of her children brought a crease between her eyebrows, worried she’d have two kids, not just one.

Melissa laughed. “You wouldn’t be the first to make that slip up. Jim is great with kids.”

Pam opened her mouth to ask what Melissa meant by Pam not being the first to “slip up,” but her parents were walking across the park and waving toward her.

“Those are my parents,” she said to Melissa and got up to meet them.

“Sorry we’re so late,” Helene said, holding a bowl of potato salad.

“We had to stop to put gas in your mother’s car,” William explained.

“And your father was sure he knew where this park was. Took us twenty minutes to find it!” Helene said.

“Well, you’re here now,” Pam said. “Just let me grab Jim and we can introduce you to the rest of his family.”

Pam turned toward the grassy area Jim had been playing with the kids and instead found him in a soaking wet t-shirt talking to a blonde with Pomeranian on a leash. A very attractive blonde wearing short shorts and a plunging spaghetti-strap blouse, whose eyes kept flitting down to Jim’s wet t-shirt. Pam noticed her parents exchange a look.

“Hold on,” Pam said and walked up to her boyfriend. God, she felt like a possessive girlfriend, the annoyance rising in her chest. But why was he talking to another girl at a family party?

“Hey, here she is,” Jim said, anticipating Pam before she even reached them. The blonde appraised Pam, from her two-dollar flip flops to the dampness below her armpits on her tank top, and up to her curly hair thrown up in a quick ponytail. Jim took her hand, water dripping off his sleeve and onto their clasped hands. He continued, “Sarah, this is my girlfriend Pam. Pam, this is Sarah. We dated way back in high school.”

Right.  _ That _ Sarah. The one who had run off to California to be an actress. The one Jim had lost his virginity to. The one he’d dated for two years. His first love.

“Nice to meet you,” Pam managed to choke out, even though she would have been much happier to have never seen Sarah and been able to put together a visual of this girl.

“You too,” Sarah said. “Maybe now that I’ve moved back into town we can all become friends.”

_ This failed actress moved back to Scranton? _ Like hell Pam would let them all become friends. 

“Oh, we wouldn’t be able to keep up with you,” Jim said. “But, uh, I see Pam’s parents have gotten here so we should head back. It was nice to see you.” 

“Give me a call sometime,” Sarah threw out as the other two turned away.

Jim and Pam went back to the family, where they made all of the introductions and had to focus on maintaining the family chit-chat.

As night fell and the families split up to go back to their nuclear homes, Jim and Pam got into Jim’s car and headed back to his place.

“Sarah was walking her dog at the park,” Jim said as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“What? I didn’t say anything,” Pam said.

“I’m just letting you know. It was unexpected,” he said. “And I’m not going to call her.”

Pam let go of some tension she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in her shoulders. Then she put her hand on Jim’s still-damp shorts. “You got taken in a water gun fight by a couple of kids.”

“The little monsters ganged up on me,” Jim said defensively.

Pam squeezed his thigh. “It’s okay, I still love you.”

* * *

_ May 8, 2008 _

On the drive home from the office, Pam could feel the brochures she’d gotten at the job fair weighing on her. She could hear the excuses now.

_ It’s expensive. _

_ It’s far away. _

_ What will you do with it anyway? _

Jim was working late at the office to finish the contract for the new big client, and she wouldn’t see him until later that evening. She had a few hours to decide if the Pratt Art Institute was anything to even bother Jim about.

After reading the brochure ten times while eating dinner, then spending a half an hour on the school’s website, she knew she had to feel it out with someone else before she did so with Jim. So she pulled out her phone and called her mom, but it went to voicemail. Not knowing when her mom would get back to her, Pam called Penny instead.

“Hey nerd!” Penny said in answering the phone.

“Hey, Penny, how’s it going?” Pam asked.

Her sister launched into a story about drama at her work, complaining about her male coworker who always took credit for her ideas. After a few minutes of talking about that, Penny asked, “Oh, wait--please don’t tell me that I rambled for ten minutes about that and Jim’s just proposed!”

Pam laughed. “No, not yet. I think it’s coming soon, though. He just landed this really big client today.”

“So you'll be getting a nice big ring then, huh?”

“I'd rather have a house," Pam said. 

"Boring," Penny said. "So if you're not the future Mrs. Halpert yet, what else is happening?"

"Well, um, I had to go to this high school job fair for work today because we were looking for some summer interns, but while I was there I talked to this guy about a graphic design program.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but the thing is, it’s in New York.”

“For how long?”

“Twelve weeks.”

“Well, it’s not two years.”

“Yeah, but still, the tuition is like ten thousand dollars, plus there’s living expenses to consider. And I don’t know if I’ll even be able to find a job after.”

Penny sighed. “Pam, you’re doing it again.”

“What?”

“Roy used to hold you back. You had an excuse to not do anything that scares you, but now you’re with Jim and you  _ know _ he’ll support you going. So now you’re just looking for more excuses again.”

“That is not true,” Pam said. “I’m being practical. This isn’t a decision to be made lightly.”

“Remind me how long it took you to admit you were in love with Jim,” Penny said. Pam stayed quiet. “Exactly. Pam, do you want to be a graphic designer?”

Pam imagined it. Using art every day, making designs, having people see what she made and admiring them. Being recognized at a job she found useful and fulfilling. 

“Yes, I do,” Pam said.

“Okay, then tell Jim you’re applying. You two will get it figured out.”

“Thanks Penny.”

They said their good-byes, and Pam pulled out her sketchbook, looking over the Dunder Mifflin Infinity logos she’d made for Ryan all those months ago. It soured her to think that Ryan’s compliments had only been an attempt to get in her pants, but she still thought her designs were good. She picked her favorite and began sketching it out on a new piece of paper.

When Jim came in later that evening, she told him about talking to the guy at the job fair and what he said. She showed him the pamphlet and explained how it would be in New York and all of the money she’d need to spend. He was quiet, listening to her, and Pam got a flashback to when she’d talked to Roy about graphic design school, and that one would have only been over the weekends and paid for by Dunder Mifflin.

_ This is Jim _ , she reminded herself. Still, years of a relationship with Roy conditioned her to anticipate a Roy response from Jim.

“I think the timing is kind of perfect,” Pam said quickly as Jim still took it all in. “And I know there will be a lot we have to sacrifice, but I think it’s important for me to do it now before we settle down and start a family.” 

“Pam, this is amazing,” Jim said. “Of course you need to do it.”

She let out a sigh of relief. “Really?”

“I mean, I’ll miss you like crazy every day, but we’ve gotten through a lot worse. And three months isn’t that long when you consider we have the rest of our lives to be together.”

Pam flung her arms around Jim, then kissing him in gratitude. Sometimes she still couldn’t believe she had him.

* * *

_ December 25, 2008 _

As Jim and Pam pulled up to her parent’s place, Pam hoped that they would be able to get through this Christmas in one piece. She’d been fielding calls from both of her parents for the past week about an argument they’d had about her father’s retirement. He wanted to retire in six months, but Helene wanted him to work a few more years to add to their 401k. Helene was aghast at how irresponsible William was being--they had lost a business six years ago and with it a lot of their savings. William said Helene wasn’t even listening about the fact that he wanted to go into retirement with some good years on him so that he could travel and do things he hadn’t been able to do before.

“Just remember,” Jim said. “Whatever happens in there, no way it’s worse than Andy’s Christmas.”

“So the bar is being cheated on without knowing about it and spending Christmas with all of Angela’s cats. And Angela,” Pam said. “Yeah, I think we can beat that.”

“Then there’s Michael, who will be with Todd Packer today,” Jim said as they got out of the car. They joined hands as they made their way up the walk.

“Dwight will have his Christmas goose though,” Pam said. 

“Schrute Farms is probably lovely with all of that snow.”

Pam opened the door to her parent’s house, not bothering to knock, when they heard the yelling from the kitchen in the back.

“--always about what  _ I  _ want?” William yelled furiously. “Since when?”

“You moved us out here away from our family--” Helene started back.

“--because I needed a  _ job _ !”

“And there were no jobs in Scranton,” Helene said sarcastically.

Pam and Jim locked gazes on each other, Jim carefully reading Pam’s worried look, then squeezed her hand in support.

Pam wet her lips and called out, “Mom? Dad? We’re here.”

The shouting dropped off immediately, and Helene emerged from the kitchen, shortly followed by William.

“You’re early,” Helene said nervously.

“My nephews woke everyone up at five,” Jim said, smiling and trying to lighten the mood. “Little monsters couldn’t wait to open their presents. We all got an early start.”

“Oh, okay, well, I was still putting the appetizers together,” Helene said.

“I can help you with that,” Pam said.

William moved past Helene and said, “I’m going to go for a walk.”

Pam caught Jim's eye, and he said, “Why don’t I join you?”

So William and Jim went for a walk while Pam followed her mom into the kitchen, where they put together the crackers and cheeseball and cut up peppers and cucumbers for the appetizers.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Pam asked.

“It’s just that I don’t understand your father anymore,” Helene said. “He’s talking about buying an RV and travelling across the US. Why would we do that when you’re getting married and we’ll be having grandchildren soon?”

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to do that full time,” Pam said.

“No, because if we’re not in an RV, we’ll be living in Philadelphia,” Helene said. “I know Penny lives there, but I just don’t care for big cities like that. And you better be pregnant before she is, so if we’re moving it better be closer to you and Jim.”

“Mom!” Pam laughed, even if it was fair. Penny’s current boyfriend had only been around for two months. “What I’m getting from this is that you just want grandbabies.”

Helene smiled. “Can you blame me? What’s better than holding a sleeping baby?”

Pam wanted to help her mom work through this problem a little more, but then her grandmother showed up, driven by Pam’s aunt and uncle. Helene had never been able to show any imperfection to her mother without getting a strong lecture back, so anything but marital bliss was off the table.

William and Jim came back from their walk, and then Penny arrived with her boyfriend, cousins came in, and the small house was packed in with family. 

With Jim’s arm around her waist, extended family began asked questions about their wedding plans, the same questions and comments Pam had been getting for months now. From as innocent as  _ When’s the big day _ to the less-than welcome  _ Not going to call off this one are you? _

Pam responded as she always did.  _ We’re thinking sometime next fall _ and  _ Only if we can’t wait and elope first. _

But through the eating and gift-exchange and catching up, Pam kept and eye on her parents. She didn’t catch them exchanging a single word all through the afternoon and evening. 

* * *

_ January 29, 2009 _

The phone rang, breaking Pam’s concentration as she wrote possible jokes for Michael’s roast. She picked it up automatically and answered with a “Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.”

“Pam,” a familiar voice said on the other line.

“Oh, hey Mom,” Pam said.

“Have you talked to Dad at all today?” The strained, distressed sound of her mother’s voice automatically worried Pam.

“No.”

“He called me this morning.”

“What did Dad say?” Pam had told Jim to talk to her dad, to help him go back to her mom and smooth everything out. Helene’s tight, cracking voice didn’t sound like it had worked out.

“He told me he’s going to look for an apartment,” Helene said. “When I asked him what that meant, he said he wanted a divorce.”

“What?” Pam hissed, bowing her head low to avoid anyone paying too much attention to her.

“He said he’d been thinking about it all last night and he wants to officially separate,” her mother said. “Pam, I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t--” Pam grimaced. 

Jim had talked to her dad last night. They’d been watching TV when Pam had said she would be turning in early, giving Jim a pointed look. An hour later in their bedroom, Pam looked up from her book and asked, “Good talk?”

Jim had pulled off his shirt, getting ready for bed. “I think so.”

She had gone to sleep comforted. Jim knew how to talk to people, how to sell them on things. Her dad would go back to her mom, and everything would go back to normal.

Now everything had come crashing down. Her father, the responsible, loyal, hard-working man, who had always taken such pride and care in his family, was splitting them apart. Pam had never thought this would have ever been a solution to their problems. Other people got divorced. Not her parents.

“I never thought this would happen,” Helene said, voice muffled through her tears. “You never get married planning on a divorce.”

Another call was coming in, so Pam said, “Mom, I have to get back to work. But call me later and we’ll talk about it.”

They said their good-byes and Pam sent the call coming in to Oscar, then narrowed in on Jim in the kitchen. What the hell did Jim say to her dad?

  
  


Helene’s words kept crashing into Pam’s mind over the course of the rest of the day.

_ I never thought this would happen. You never get married planning on a divorce. _

When she'd been engaged to Roy, Pam had fought down hypotheticals of that marriage ending in divorce, telling herself such thoughts were only of cold feet. She would have denied it if anyone asked, but the truth of this inevitability had been as obvious as just how badly Michael would take the roast later that night. 

The fact that Pam couldn’t imagine herself and Jim getting a divorce had made it so easy to say yes to him when they’d discussed marriage. She had known right when they started dating he was going to be the one she married, and that would be it. They would be together for the rest of their lives.

But Jim had said something to her dad that got the old, steady man to turn his back on his wife of over thirty years. And Pam couldn’t help but miserably think of all the other women Jim had dated. Sarah, who had been braver than her and more adventurous. Katy, who had been hotter and cooler. Karen, who had it all.

What if Jim woke up and realized he could do so much better than her?

* * *

_ January 30, 2009 _

Pam felt queasy as she made her way to the parking lot where her dad waited to give back the key to hers and Jim’s house. He wanted to talk before making the drive out to his new apartment. In Philadelphia, of course, because why not change completely the man he had been before?

“Pammy,” William said as she came out, reaching out for a hug. 

Pam folded her arms. “Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving Mom?”

“It’s not about Mom,” William said. “In a way, I’ll always love her, but we don’t work right anymore.”

“Work right? I know you guys are fighting, but every couple fights! Can’t you work it out?” Pam asked, exasperated.

William sighed. “I thought you would understand, after Roy--”

“Don’t compare Mom to Roy,” Pam said, her voice rising.

“I’m not. I just thought you would understand what it’s like breaking off a long relationship, even when no one else knows why you’re doing it,” William said. 

Pam shook her head. It wasn’t the same. How could breaking off a thirty-some year marriage with the mother of your two daughters be the same as breaking it off with a selfish oaf?

“It was because of Jim, wasn’t it, that you broke it off with Roy?” William asked.

“Not entirely. But…” Pam paused. “I think I might have married Roy, if Jim hadn’t shown me what love could really be.”

“Well, in a way, he helped me see that too,” William said. “Two nights ago, after you went to bed, he and I had a chat.”

Pam straightened up, her arms unfurling from her chest. 

“I could tell he was trying to help Mom and I get back together, or maybe he was just trying to get me out of your house,” William smiled slightly. “He said that he knew at some point in your marriage, you two will have some kind of fight. And then he started talking about how much he loved you. How, even before he can see you, when you walk into a room, his heart starts racing. How you being in his life every day gives it meaning. How even now he has no doubts about you being the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. No matter what happens.”

“He said all of that?”

“And then some,” William smiled sadly. “I’ve always cared a great deal for your mother, but I’ve never felt for her what Jim feels for you, not even during the best times. And that’s the problem, Pammy. Not when I should retire or what we should do when I do. But that your mother and I have always just existed together. And right now, we both still have time to find our own Jim.”

“So you're saying,” Pam began to move her arms in front of her. “That my relationship is what destroyed yours and Mom’s?”

“Not at all. It gave it perspective.”

Pam didn’t know what else to say. Her father brought her into a hug then, and while she was still hurt about her parents splitting up, about her mom hurting, it did put a balm on the burning question of what would bring about the end of hers and Jim’s marriage. Because now she knew that nothing would.

Later that night, Pam hung up after a long, emotional talk with her mom. Talks about attorneys and property and retirement, of doubts and fears and next steps. Words with tears and raised voices, and attempts to calm and comfort.

Jim had taken on all of the evening chores she realized as she left their room and passed their kitchen, where the counters had been wiped and the dishwasher churned with hot water and soap. Jim turned off the TV as Pam came into the living room, frowning and rubbing her temple. 

She went to him and settled into his arms, head resting on his chest, warm and steady. Her breathing slowed and came to match his.

"Do you want to talk at all?" he asked.

She shook her head against him. "Let's just sit here."

And they did that, holding each other and just breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, bookmarking, and kudos-ing this fic, I hope you enjoyed! I really appreciate in whatever way you participated.  
> I do also want to make a tiny note about the whole "slut" thing between Pam and Kelly. I was trying to write with the time period in mind, as well as the characters. And while Pam isn't a prude, I think 2007 Pam would be a little judgy at the concept of someone sleeping with a guy on the first date. So yeah, not a very cool thing to say, especially in 2020, but characters are flawed humans.  
> Lastly, I'm currently working on another Jam fanfic, and I would love to have someone beta it for me. If you'd be interested, please send me a message and I'll give you more details to see if it will be a good fit.


End file.
